Tag Archives: Relationships

In the Eyes of a “Suicidal”

People often misunderstood why depressed people took suicide. It wasn’t because we were weak and pathetic human beings. Suicidal people were more than just that. We were hero of our own suffering. In our lives, we were the giver, the most misunderstood and the  most mistreated. You don’t know about our story. You just know, that people like us, kill ourselves because we give up on what life could gave to us, or because we were plainly stupid. You didn’t even know what we were going through. Even the cuts in our hands weren’t enough to tell you how we really feel. Everyone has a story to tell and it doesn’t mean that someone was depressed, they were already weak. The truth was we tried. There were always a point in our lives when we regret what we were doing and there were points in our lives when we told ourselves, “We can do it.” But because of some “inconsiderate” and “judgmental” human beings that instead lift us, put as even more into the depths of depression, and because of how the events was turning, we decided to push it through.

Depression wasn’t just because of stress, problems and anxiety. It also covers the emotional and mental state of the person. There were deeper reasons why we kill ourselves and one of those was you. If you wanted us to stop it, then give us a helping hand, support us and understand. We were just an imperfect human being like you. Fighting depression when everyone was contributing nothing was pretty hard. I can compare it to a cancer that once spread in the body, doctors have had harder time to cure it.

That’s how we see suicide. I repeat, we were not pathetic, nor stupid, nor weak. WE were just people with incurable disease. Please stop judging because it wasn’t your life to begin with. Who knows? Maybe at some point in your life you will feel the same? Who knows maybe you’ll understand how we really feel inside and who we really want to be.

Suicidal people weren’t crazy. We were mostly the people who were happy and easy to please with but at the same time, has the biggest regret. We regret how things turn into us and why we can never control it? Why every time the problem was solved, there were even more bigger problems to come. We don’t need your opinions and advises. WE need your ears to listen and eyes to open how “suicidal” people like me cope with idealistic standard of the society.

Serendipity

Across the border line of solitude,

Is the yearning of one soul’s cross.

  Just like a sheep who lost her mob,

A woman’s heart without a love.

 

But the alteration is yet to come.

The coldness shall be filled with warm.

Ill-fated is now gone.

The sun is yet to shine.

 

Susurrus talisman come knocking to her door

Bringing her with enormous treasure

Her hopes comes in the highest soar

 Serendipity you never expect for.

reversefulllogo

Another Rose is Blooming

“Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure; this time, it was no mistake, and this time she wins.  Alas! She found him.” – Tara Nicole

 

It’s been a while since Tara dated any man. For almost four years, she occupied herself with work and responsibilities. She does it not because she wants promotion but because of one simple reason. Forget her ex-fiancée, Josh. Only at this time, she will worry less because she has now Jason with her side, the guy who saves her before she drowns herself in the depths of suicide.

 

She is now happy whenever she’s with him. Neither one of them admits their feelings but she secretly hoping they will end up together. Today, Jason invited her to a barbecue party in their townhouse. She was walking across a group of women that is talking about the new hot guy who is tending the barbecue. The three girls are debating who will approach first and the redhead girl wins.

 

Tara is intrigued so she decided to follow. She is surprised to see that it was Jason whom they are talking about. The red hair girl approaches with seductive eyes asking how old he is and while the other girls are directly flirting with him.

 

She felt a pang of jealousy injected through her veins and she blushes suddenly not because of butterflies she felt whenever she saw him but because of her insecurity. The girls possess the body of a model and all of them are beautiful. Besides, there’s nothing special about her and Jason, except for the few kisses they shared in the past.

 

She distracted herself before she even started remembering what happened to them last night. She approaches, Jason instead while he’s still tending the barbeque and the three girls are still there. He seems so pleased to see her that he drops the rest of the oil to the ground. Tara laughs sarcastically.

 

“Hey?” he said while putting his left hand into motion.

“I thought you couldn’t come because of Cecile.”

 

“Cecile is in good condition now. She just needs to take some rest and lots of vitamins. She will be discharged next week,” she said.

 

“Good to know that. We can spend time with each other again.”

He leans closer to whisper in her ears.

 

She immediately feels the magnet traveling through her back. Like a positive and negative meet at the end and starts a spark. She looks at him and he looks at her. Revealing all the words they wanted to say. Jason touches her cheek. She feels his hand, so warm and cozy. His hand travels through her neck, on her shoulders, her arms, and her waist, then holds her tightly and bring her to a cottage away from the people’s spying eyes.

 

She confesses to him that she’s kind of nervous about their situation. Jason’s brother was here and he might know that the two of them are dating. Even if Jason doesn’t confess, she knows he feels the same. If his brother will know, he might kick her out of the company.

 

“What are we going to do if your brother will find it out?”

 

He squeezes her hands to assure her that she doesn’t have to worry about anything. He went closer to her and brushes off the tip of his nose against hers.

 

“I already know what I need to do.”

 

She smells his intoxicating breath. It smells like a vanilla and strawberry. She heard his heartbeat too. Pumping against her bare chest.

 

*Thug-thug-thug-thug*

 

No, it wasn’t his heartbeat. It was hers.

 

“Let’s go inside.”

Jason speaks in a husky masculine voice.

 

“Wha-what are we going to do?”

 

“I just want you to relax. You’re pretty tense.”

 

He looks, even more, deeper into her eyes and he reads her like an open book. There is nothing so vulnerable than to have someone who can turn you like a crazy person in just one second. She sees the world stop right in front of her and the only thing that is ticking is her heart. He might not be the first man to own it but he will be her last.

 

He leads her into the cottage and pushes her body into the bed. He then lowers his head and kisses her while touching every inch of her body and moaning her name.

 

“Tara, Tara….”

 

Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure, this time, it was no mistake, and this time, she wins.  Alas! She found him. The one that is right for her.

 

He takes off her clothes while slowly going down her neck, touching her thighs. He knows his way around her because she’s already screaming with ecstasy. His hard chest is against her and he’s pushing her deeper into the bed. She feels he’s torso against her and the igniting passion inside them. She wants him so bad that even words can’t explain. She knows that after this, she will confess. She will confess how much she loves him because if she doesn’t, she might regret it forever.

Cheap fun late night ideas?

So I have this friend I want to hang out with but is always busy. I really busy too because I have work, school and everything else in between. After making some modification to my schedule I found that the only time we have free are nights. We are working on this project together right now but I am kind of getting tired of it. I want to take a break but with my limited schedule I don’t know what to do. I am on a budget so there are some things I just can’t do right now. I was wondering if you the readers would be interested in helping me out with a few ideas on what activity can be done at night with little money. What do you guys think I should do?

Whatever Remains

The remnants of the night tend to linger in my clothes;

the scent of liquor won’t leave my vest,
nor will that girl’s perfume, who was trying her best
my favorite shirt still smells of cigarette smoke,
or the drunken breath of the older bloke
the unsynchronised beats of the music failed to entice me
no sweat seeped into my skirt, I didn’t set myself free
nor did I get lost in the ogling man’s eyes,
turning him down was his most unpleasant surprise
I didn’t come close to anyone’s lips,
that reeked of mistakes and unfortunate slips
I went home with a friend, who remained by my side
kissed him good night, let everything else slide

And the following morning, when only memories remain
I can wash out the proof of their existence, though to me, it’s all the same
Because at least I can make all these disappear,
while you, I cannot
you are always right here
in my mind, never to be forgot

BY: Sara TK

#ramdomthoughts-Women Vs Black Women

I got to say, I must suck being a black woman sometimes. I am not a black woman myself, but I really do feel sympathy for them. Base from what pop culture has been trying to shove down our throat, you would this that this would be the age of black women. These days you don’t listen to much love that doesn’t talk about a girl’s big buts, and big breast. Sure America and huge breasts have always had a love affair, but big butts were only a thing for back folks. Having huge lips now is all the rage for female models nowadays. Does this mean black women are now consider the most desirable type of woman? Far from it actually, Black women are still considered to be the least desirable type of woman. This is actually because big buts, huge breast, thick lips amongst other features are only desired to be seen only when it’s on a caucasian woman. This is just something I have noticed recently when anyone of those models decide to have plastic surgery and lip injection people seem to think that is the sexiest thing they have ever seen. Meanwhile, black female models who had to those feature those entire time still are not considered to be a top model worthy. Actually scratch that out, it’s ANY women out there that are not of back with back woman features are considered to be hot. Like to every rule, there is always a backdoor or a way around it. The only you can cheat that rule is if you are of mixed races. This has proven to the universal truth, and it doesn’t matter which races that are a mix or even if you parents are good looking or not. There is a 99% chance that you will be considered to be extra hot/cute if you are of mixed races whether you are a guy or a girl. This is why you will always notice a not so shocking fat when I tell you that countries with a large population of mix race are considered to the hottest countries in the world. Let’s take Brazil for example; It’s a country where more than 40% of the population claimed to be mix races.  Because of this fact Brazil is easily found in most “top ten countries with hottest people”. It’s pretty clear, mix people are ruling the world right now. The reason why is because mix people tend to be really light skin if not bother line white with a bunch of black features which like I said is what people really want. Yeah, it’s like I said, it sucks being a black woman because people say they want what you have but only when it’s on somebody other than you. It’s like being a millionaire and people still treats you as if you were not. I know this rant of mine sounds very shallow and some optimistic people can say that you all that matters is your personality and if black women are still considered unattractive it’s because they tend to have crappy personality. I going to stop you right there and tell you first that is racist and second looks does matter…a lot! It matters more than most people are willing to admit it. When you go for a job interview you NEED to look nice, there is no other way around it. It doesn’t matter how much you are qualified for that job no one will hire you if you show up with a messed up hair, ripped clothes, and smells horrible. Your personality can only get you so far in life unless your have a really outgoing, ‘in your face’ kind of personality. The same goes for looks, good looks can only get you so far unless you have an outrageously good looking body. The thing is that most people have a moderate level of both of those things. The truth is you need both of them to be successful in life, especially when it comes to relationships. The reason you chose who to date or not is because of their looks. you go talk to them to see their personality, but the looks are the first things you see and you judge people on it. A black woman never gets the chance to show what their personalities are because they are not “good looking enough”. Don’t even get me started on all of the negative stereotype black women have to live with. If you are black woman out there and you are reading this I want you to know to always be proud of who you are and to stop trying to be more like other ethnic women because when you do that you give in to the system and the cycle continued. Keep being real, natural and beautiful!

Shattered heart

girl cry

All the emotions caged in my heart
Choked me,
As I tried to set them free
But now I’m an emotionless beast.

I am numb to everything but pain
There’s no day that I think I am sane
Every night you haunt me,
But I’ll never be sorry
For burning you alive,
Never will I revive
You.

There’s no explanation
For what I have done
Because I don’t need to talk,
My silence screeches aloud.

I loved you to death,
For which I now repent.
Your love was so fatal,
I’ve died a hundred times.
Now you can’t repeat those crimes,
Stabbing my heart with lies,
Now I hate you.

By: Neha anand read more @ http://allpoetry.com/Psychedoll

The Wild West (Unfinished)