Category Archives: Suicide

For My Ex-Boyfriend

If I only know you would leave me just because my problems were too much to you, I would never say “yes” in the first place. Because a true man who loves me will always love me no matter how many problems that will come my way. If you only love me, You will never ever gave up on me because you know, leaving me can never bring good for my life. You know I’m on the point of drowning but you drown me even more. Now, all your “I love you more” meant nothing to me. Now, all your promises meant nothing to me. For me, you’re just another guy who only wants my physical appearance but not my heart. Just another guy who will leave me just because I’m a depressed woman. Just another guy who came to break my heart. No, I love you. You just don’t feel the same. No, I did my everything and is ready to forget my family just to be with you but you were not just into me. Now I don’t know how to feel anymore cause I’m already dead inside. You made me who I am today. Now please, don’t go back to me. I don’t need someone like you. Find a woman who is a perfect fit for your high standard criteria and ideality and let see if you’ll ever find a perfect woman that can last you longer. Sometimes an ideal woman never meant to stay because they were just “ideal”. When we start to find who they really were, we start falling out of love with them. That’s what happens to us. Now, love a robot because robot never made mistake and its an ideal perfection for you. An ideal relationship that only existed in your mind. An ideal relationship you’ll soon regret.

 

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EVS’s Santa 2017

In the Eyes of a “Suicidal”

People often misunderstood why depressed people took suicide. It wasn’t because we were weak and pathetic human beings. Suicidal people were more than just that. We were hero of our own suffering. In our lives, we were the giver, the most misunderstood and the  most mistreated. You don’t know about our story. You just know, that people like us, kill ourselves because we give up on what life could gave to us, or because we were plainly stupid. You didn’t even know what we were going through. Even the cuts in our hands weren’t enough to tell you how we really feel. Everyone has a story to tell and it doesn’t mean that someone was depressed, they were already weak. The truth was we tried. There were always a point in our lives when we regret what we were doing and there were points in our lives when we told ourselves, “We can do it.” But because of some “inconsiderate” and “judgmental” human beings that instead lift us, put as even more into the depths of depression, and because of how the events was turning, we decided to push it through.

Depression wasn’t just because of stress, problems and anxiety. It also covers the emotional and mental state of the person. There were deeper reasons why we kill ourselves and one of those was you. If you wanted us to stop it, then give us a helping hand, support us and understand. We were just an imperfect human being like you. Fighting depression when everyone was contributing nothing was pretty hard. I can compare it to a cancer that once spread in the body, doctors have had harder time to cure it.

That’s how we see suicide. I repeat, we were not pathetic, nor stupid, nor weak. WE were just people with incurable disease. Please stop judging because it wasn’t your life to begin with. Who knows? Maybe at some point in your life you will feel the same? Who knows maybe you’ll understand how we really feel inside and who we really want to be.

Suicidal people weren’t crazy. We were mostly the people who were happy and easy to please with but at the same time, has the biggest regret. We regret how things turn into us and why we can never control it? Why every time the problem was solved, there were even more bigger problems to come. We don’t need your opinions and advises. WE need your ears to listen and eyes to open how “suicidal” people like me cope with idealistic standard of the society.