Category Archives: Stories

The Chivalry Is dead

As I was looking for noodles to eat this dinner on seven-eleven since our boarding house don’t have a kitchen, I stumble upon this two guys. Although I’ve seen too many guys that were selfish and were very proud, today I witnessed disturbing attitudes of modern guys. I see how the chivalry was slowly dying in our culture and the gracefulness of our women.

What happened was while I was looking for a chair, two teachers who just finished eating asked me if the bag on that table was mine and I firmly said no. They asked me twice if I have someone with me and I still decline and normally responded to them that I’m alone.They then turn to the other table talking about the carelessness of the owner for just leaving their bag somewhere. As they were talking aloud, the security guard overhears them and proceed to get the bag on the table. I was stirring my noodles as it was freshly poured with hot water. While I was sitting, a guy rushed to me and said in a very loud voice that made the whole place suddenly got quiet as I was there sitting and looking at him.

“Are you the one who handed my bag to the security guard?!”

I told him that I don’t have an idea and didn’t participate in anything with regards to his bag.

“I don’t know. He just suddenly gets it from the table.”

The teachers then spoke to him telling that they mistook it as carelessness.

Let me give you a small background in our culture. We tend to leave our bags (except for our money and phones) to the table so that nobody will ever sit on it as it was “reserved”. Perhaps, people get it most of the time. So the teachers says exactly same thing,

“Oh, we thought that someone leaves it on the table and forget to get it back. We didn’t mean to bother you.”

He then proceeds to ask me to find a new table. WHAT THE HECK. I was angry literally but I never intended to insult anyone prior to what he just said to me about his bag. I can clearly remember what he said to me in Cebuano dialect.

“Miss, if you had someone with you, please find another table.”

Then I told him “No” while the teacher was still talking about their mistake. He then said it twice again and I again decline. For the third time I said “no”, I included to the speech that I’m totally alone but this time the teacher was about to leave so she interrupted and said’ “Oh we’re about to leave. Just sit here.” Their paper plates and plastic cups were still there at the table since the service crew hasn’t put it into the trashcan.

I was really eyeing the two of them since their table was just next to mine. In my mind, I wanted to insult them for lacking gentlemanliness in their attitude. The table is quite big. It can fit entirely four people and there were only two of them! Only two and all are men. How can they mistreat a woman like me? They don’t know what good conduct and good manner are.

I know that guys are slowly becoming more aggressive this year. Showing only their “gentleman” side to the people they know or just for their girlfriends. Its just stupidity and lack of respect towards a woman which I may say one of the things I really hate.

Then 5 minutes later, I got up and leave my bags on the table as I grab for a water to drink. When I came back, two men were already sitting on my table. I just let them be as I’m not that harsh as the other two “men” who were across the table on us.

The wives of these two men were still buying foods so I took the opportunity to eat as fast as I could. Meanwhile, they were talking about their friend who was a lover of a married woman. I just patiently eat while they talk about a lot of things and although I heard them, I was just constantly and silently enjoying my food. when the other guy that sits beside me ask, “Am I right, Miss?”

I say nothing. Then he proceeds to ask where was my husband.

In my mind, I was totally annoyed so I stared at him in disbelief. Can’t he tell I’m too young to be mistaken as a married woman? And excuse me, Not all people who ate at seven-eleven alone were all married. What the heck he is talking about? I raised one of my eyebrows while he was giving me a pervert look. I told him,

“No. I’m still studying.” with a cold voice and eat once again. He asked me about where and what year and I just reply to a short message. He then proceeds to talk to his companion about not getting married at an early age and told me that I should get a husband.

This angers me more but knowing as an ENFP myself, I just let it pass as I avoid conflict that much and never wanted to hurt people’s feelings.

That’s why I’m letting all my feelings get out on this blog. I’m not married, I’m still 19 and I’m a college student with a bachelor degree. Only a stupid guy will mistake me for a fucking married woman. I dress neatly and I put my hair in a ponytail. Only a guy with arrogant nature can reject me to sit at a table and shout at me in a very extravagant voice. I hate guys here, to be honest.

Maybe its because due to the fact I’m darker than most girls. If I happen to have a fairer skin they might show a little chivalry or the guy sitting next to me wouldn’t give me the account and remark as a married woman.

Most women who marry at an early age were dark-skin due to the fact that they were on the farm and doing hard labor for their family so they will always be exposed as dirty workers who married at a very young age to a very poor man also.

Yeah, most Asian countries were racist, I tell you. That’s why when I get married someday, I don’t wanna get involved with any guy here, let alone marriage. I don’t want to inject glutathione into my skin to become lighter just to lure any guys that I like. Sorry. I concluded that chivalry was already dead for a man who looks down at a darker-skin woman because she just looks dirty.

Women want ‘modern chivalry’ – but find it’s rare | IOL Lifestyle: https://www.iol.co.za/…/women-want-modern-chivalry—but-find-its-rare-10606989

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  The Unrequited

 

They say if you stumble upon romantic love, make sure you won’t come across to the worst form of it, the unrequited love. Why? It is because unrequited is a love or attraction that never returned or rewarded. If you fall in love with someone who doesn’t felt the same way, chances are you’re in a squad of people who fall into the depths of unreturned love.

One story stands out amongst the lilies of the pond. Kemberly was still in her elementary days when her parents decided to split up. Her father gave up her custody to her aunt, his youngest sister, who became her sole guardian for the last decade. Her aunt did not give the love of a parental figure Kemberly desired. When it came to chores around the house, she was more willing to comply than most of her cousins. Yet sadly with her aunt’s uncontrollable temper, she ended up getting scolded, being slapped and having bruises.

Growing up in that kind of family was quite the challenge. With no parents to cling to and showed her love, she started to become less dependent and spend more time to herself. She would read books about fantastic couples or tragic romantic stories and was often seen by the river banks looking into an abyss of nothingness. Sadly, it was the only way that she could cope her anxiety and stress. She sometimes saw herself as a damsel in distress being saved by her Prince Charming and believing that one day she will meet her knight in shining armor. It was not until she met a boy named Brandon that she started to realize something much deeper.

They become friends one day during the preparation for their Intramurals. She was one of the contestants in debate and he was also one of the contestants on the other divisions. They’ve become friends and since then their ties become much more than just that, labeling each other as close siblings.

They hang out mostly in each other’s houses letting the suspicious eyes raised into them by the students in their school. People saw them as a couple or M.U’s which stands for friends with “mutual understanding”, but Kemberly and Brandon kept denying the fact since they knew, there was no label in their friendship.

It wasn’t long after Kemberly realize her big mistakes. She was in love with her best friend. She caught herself looking at Brandon’s eyes with much more passion and devotion. She hides it hoping Brandon would show the same kind of interest on her, but it didn’t happen.

One day, a plethora of rumors about Brandon’s another woman had aroused and since then, people keep asking questions about their true relationship. People walked by and asked her if they already broke up and she would just be nice and told them, “There was no ‘us’. We’re just friends.”

She knows nothing more about the new woman. Though she knows it was a mortal sin to stalk her best friend, she did it anyway. There, she found the first evidence of her first heartache. The caption “I finally met the angel of my life.” broke her heart for millions and millions of shuttering pieces. Looking at the picture make her stomach release chemicals she never knew existed. Heartbroken and rejected, she finally stumble upon her desk and cried. The summer vacation Brandon brag on her during summer turns out to be much more than just that. During that vacation, he met Vanessa, a tall and beautiful young student model the same age as them. She was sweet and kind that the second he laid his eyes on her, it was an instant attraction. It was the first time Brandon felt love and it was all written in his profile.

For the first time, Kemberly felt betrayed by a person who never betrayed her at the first place. She told herself, ‘You need to move on now and find other else to focus on. Forget him, Kemberly…’ but moving on was not an easy word. She did everything she could but found herself running back to him, who holds the biggest part of her heart.

She found herself confronting him.

“Why you didn’t tell me?”

“I am planning to surprise you,” he said.

“But now the whole campus knows except me! I’m your best friend, Brand. Why you didn’t tell me this?”

“Well, you are still going to meet her since she will be transferring to our school. So I thought it would be nice to introduce the two of you in person.”

That would be the last thing Kemberly ever heard. She cannot recall the first nor the last thing he said after that. Her mind was full of confusion and rejection. All she could think was the pain she felt inside.

Love was the most complicated word ever existed and the only word that has no exact meaning. When and how could you tell you are in love with someone and when and how will it stop? The question was on Kemberly’s head for months.  The question of when will be her unrequited love lasts. She respected that Brandon was giving her less and less of his time. She knows Vanessa was jealous of her and that would be the last thing to do since she was the main reason for their argument. She knows that being Brandon’s best friend was more than enough than losing him.

She adopted the motto, “It is better to feel love and pain than to feel nothing at all because it was a sign that we are human”. We fall in love, we feel pain, we feel happy and we feel sadness. All these things are balanced and were in place that makes the world equilibrium.

She continues to love Brandon in distance. She helped him during their anniversaries, preparing for food and shopping for teddy bears and chocolates he will give as a present. She was there during his ups and downs. She was there during their breakups and reassuring him that they will eventually go back together and they did.

Eventually, during their graduation day, Kemberly witnessed the most changing moments of her life. After he gave her a diamond necklace perfectly curved with letter “K”, he and Vanessa broke up without giving him any reason. After the graduation ball ended, he went straight to their home and pulled the trigger but she stopped him. With her teary eyes, she told him,

“One girl is not enough to pay for your life,”

“But I love her, Kemberly! You would never understand because you were never been in love!”

“Who told you I was never been in love?”

He looked at her with doubtful eyes and still  holding the rifle in his hand. She was crying so hard that she can barely see him.

“Why? You never told me you were in love before,”

Kemberly made her composure and told her self ‘This is it,’ the end of their friendship and the last day of her secret. It didn’t matter any more than his life. This time he needs to know that she had enough pain that he actually has. This time she needed to tell him everything.

“I have been in love before,”

“To whom?” he spoke so confusedly that you can almost see the tiredness on his face.

“To you.”

A moment of silence feels within the space between them. It was not long before Brandon begins to laugh.

“Are you kidding me? We’re just friends!”

Yes, Friends. How many times will you slap me with the truth that you can never see me romantically? How many times will I attend your tantrums every single time she broke up with you? How many times will you made me cry? How many times will you kill me slowly? How long will I be able to be patient with you? I don’t think you even deserve my care and yet I am still here begging you not to kill yourself? Is everything I did not enough? Is my love for you not enough?

With all those silence bullets inside her heart, Kemberly responded the only thing she thought was right.

“I am serious Brandon. I didn’t come here to beg for you not to end your life just because you’re my friend and I care for you! I came here because of one simple reason−love. No, I didn’t come here to beg you to love me too. I came here to tell you that what you experienced isn’t as much as I have for these past three years. Seeing the man you were in love with into the arms of another woman is like living in a planet with no water. It’s slowly killing me and painfully tearing me apart.”

She step a little bit closer to the still-shocked Brandon. With each slowly painful step, she finally managed to get his trembling hand and point the rifle to her heart.

“If there would be one person that needs to die, it should be me. I already had enough, heard enough and experienced enough. The day of your first kiss, the day you lost your innocence, the day of your first heart ache… I’ve seen them all. I’ve seen how you’ve changed from a simple man to a man you are today, and I’m secretly wishing I was the reason behind it. I am secretly wishing that you will look at me with the same bright eyes you did on her. I am secretly wishing I was the first person to taste your lips. I am secretly wishing that you will look at me one day and you will realise I am different than anyone you’ve dated. No−I ended up in frustration because even the biggest changes like the new color of my hair or the way I dress never seem to affect you. I started to realise that maybe this love was not made to be returned at all. It was made to sacrifice.”

Brandon was silent all those times with his eyes bursting into tears as he looked into the deepest soul of Kemberly. All of these years he never realized how much sacrifice she made for him, and for his selfish wishes. All of these years, he just treated her like a shadow that can only be noticed when there’s a bright sun pointing towards his body. He made her feel worthless, unloved and uncared when she was the only one that loves him all along.

“Next time,” she continued with a whispering voice, “when you see yourself giving up on everything in the name of love−remember me. Love is not true when you don’t put sacrifices on it. Be glad you feel pain and don’t see it as the reason to kill yourself. Imagine it as a gift you gave to someone you love without asking any in return, and you will likely to feel the genuine happiness you never had when someone loves you back; contentment, peace, and pure love.”

Brandon lowered his rifle and began to feel ashamed about himself. He never realized how much pain he gave neither on Kemberly nor to his own self. He did not even consider the feelings of the other people around him. One girl is not enough to end his life.

Many years had passed since that fateful day. She went to Manila to pursue her career in medicine while he stayed to their town in hopes of blooming up their business. Eventually, he lost his contact on her. Their friendship was never been the same since that day she admitted the truth. Awkwardness was all around. Whenever they went on each other, he refused to speak on her making it more unpleasant and painful for her. Although, it’s been a long time since, rumors were still around. Others said she got married from a man on the other town, but others were still skeptical and  believed that Kemberly never moved on from her hopeless love on him. Some spotted her by a window not far from Brandon’s new apartment. Others said she was in disguise.

Meanwhile, Brandon was celebrating his wedding night on a small cruise. They both rented with his wife, a woman named Audrey. While the party was going on, he and his wife went near the deck when she suddenly slipped over with her gown. She fell into the icy water.

Seeing this, he jumped off as fast as he could before a shark went near the distance closer to his wife. He managed to get her out of the water with the ship’s crew member’s help but unfortunately he slip back again. Wounded, he attracted two more sharks. On the midst of the chaos, a woman who was wearing a black leathered jacket came forward and saved him. He managed to hold her but as he did, the sharks bite off half of her body and tossed her into the mid air. The only remains in that woman was a necklace gorgeously carved in letter “K” and a greeting card dropped on the floor with a quote from Abraham Cowley,

A mighty pain to love it is, and ‘tis a pain that pain to miss; But of all pains, the greatest pain, it is to love, but love in vain.”

~The End~

My Worth

I’m sorry if I made a mistake in falling in love with you. I never thought that I’m so stupid to fall into all sorts of traps you held me. I’m too beautiful for your taste, too beautiful to get rejected, and too worthy of chasing you. I’m sorry if I constantly ask you to be mine once again but I’m tired. Now that I open up my eyes to the real world and the real life, I stop chasing you. Maybe you’re the perfect of all the guys I’ve dated but I’m worth more than a million pounds of diamonds. One day you look back and regret the day you left me. One day you will realize how worth it I am and how foolish you are to ever let me go. I never cheated on you. I give you all the free time I had and give you the space you want. All you gave me was heartache. You’re not worth it. You maybe became a part of me and a sweet romantic guy I know but you’re too immature to face the true challenges of a relationship. It may take sometime before you realize how irrational you’re reasons are for breaking up with me. By those times, I’m free.

I’m sorry if I believe in every “I love you’s” that you said. I know that something is wrong with my head. I eat bugs and drink their pee that I’m too intoxicated in everything that you had said. You took advantage of my innocence. Only time will know who will remain as a winner but by those times I make sure you’ll regret it. Damn! I wasted my time on a bastard like you.

You wanted to know what is going on in my head right now? Well, in my head you’re a person I hate to see and the person I want to suffer. I know it’s bad but I want you to know how mess I am inside.  I will run away from you now because tomorrow, somebody will save me from all your memories. Then at that time, you’ll realize you’re mistaken. By now, you can be happy with who you are with. I won’t let our past be the hindrance for me to find the right guy who knows MY WORTH.

It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

The Old Memories

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It was another day of fighting my urge to call her…

It’s been six months since she never texted me. I broke up with her because I can’t handle everything that was happening in her life. It felt like a prison to me. I can’t breathe and it choking me on. Despite that, I should have still stayed.

It was the lowest point of her life and yet I just shrug it off. I shouldn’t have left her. Thinking about all those memories we had made me feel homesick. Her embrace was my home, her smile was my strength, and her love was my wealth. For weeks she begged me to take her back but I’m too busy feeding my own ego. I was too angry and too disgusted to see good things that ever happened. Now she doesn’t even talk to me or even sent me messages. She moves on while I’m stuck in the past. I can’t see all her statuses and photos now since she blocked me on Social media just a month ago. I am still secretly wishing she will call me one day and telling how much she misses me. I know I’m stupid for letting her go. I know I’m not worth for her and this was my punishment.

Wherever I looked, I saw her smile, I saw her brown eyes, and I heard her laugh. She always appears in my dreams, in my thoughts, and in every woman that I dated. I try to look for her but I couldn’t find her anywhere. I love her so much and I know losing her was the biggest mistake I ever had. I wanted to return to the day she texted me that her life had been too miserable. We fight because she thought I’m just reading her messages. The truth was I just didn’t know how to respond from that time but if God had given me a chance, I won’t break up with her. I would try to help her in every possible way I could.  If only if I wasn’t a coward.

*Ring, ring, ring, ring*

There’s someone that was calling me…..

I look at the caller I.D and her name exactly pop out on my screen.

“Oh my god! It’s her!”

I know from the moment I saw her name, my heart jumped out of my chest. I had been waiting for this call all my life. Now, she finally called me.

“Hello?” I spoke to another line.

“Jade,”

Her sweet voice is ringing in my ears.

Please, say you miss me and everything would be alright, my princess. I promise I won’t leave you this time. I promise I would stay on your side during your anxiety attacks. I promise I love you until the end. I will do anything for you, just say you want me back. I miss you.

“Yes?” I answered back.

I can hear the excitement in her voice and how she had been through these past six months.

“Can I meet you up at the park? What time are you available?”

” I’m always available.” I found myself saying that without much thinking. I quickly regain my composure by telling her this:

“Ah, no. I’m sorry. I’m available at eleven.” I looked up at the wall clock that was hanging down my ceiling. It’s past nine so it’s a perfect timing. I have two hours to prepare for myself.

“Okay See you there.”

As soon as she hung up the phone, I went straight to bath and shaved all my excesses hair as well as trying to get a good shave with my shoulder-length hair. Then I style it down according to how she likes to style my hair back then. I remember how she softly caressed my hair with her long finger while telling me how good looking I am. This time, I need to be more representable. I need to show to her that I am looking forward to meeting her once more and secretly hoping to be more than her friend.

I arrived before ten, nervously tapping my shoes. How was my look? Do I look handsome today? Does she notice my outfit today? Are we going out on a date? Will she…

Before I could even practice the line of what I wanted to say to her, she already appeared.

Her appearance dramatically change. She’s slimmer than she was before and she colored her hair with blonde. She was now wearing a revealing V neck dress. She looks breath-taking. Then, she sat down next to me and smile.

“How are you these past few months?”

She asked me. I forgot what I need to say next. I forgot everything I had practiced before I even saw her. There’s something with her smile that I had never seen before. It’s shinning and full of energy. I answered to her with a trembling voice.

“I’ve been doing really good. Ho-how about you?”

She smiled once again that enough to stop my world, then she handed me an envelope.

A white envelope with her face smiling wearing a white veil casual dress while holding into a much older man. He was hugging next to her while planting her cheeks with a kiss. My whole world fell and I went into denial and confusion. I re-read once again what was written there but now I regret everything.

 

 

The Dreamer

 

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a beggar on the street

Now with much power and money under his sleeve,

He forgets the humbleness in his self.

 

Now with everything he could buy,

He steps onto the back of poor people and let them die

He was blinded with money and material things.

He stole the only penny left for his expense.

 

He grew selfish and proud

Until one day he went bankrupt,

He roams outside the street begging for food and water,

Because of his rudeness, no one ever care.

 

Now dying, his one last wish as a beggar living in the street

That his body will be buried with a peanut seed underneath,

So when it will grow the people can eat

The fruit of his own greediness.

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a rich man, once a winner

Now an old man dying on the street

And a wish of a single peanut seed

To be planted on his grave.