Category Archives: second chance

Purity

 

For them, Marcelina’s beauty was no match than anyone in their town ever been. She was an innocent, naive, sweet and graceful woman who was always been looked up to and been envied by most women. When you see Marcela, you see perfection. All the way from top to bottom, you can never see a single mistake. Even on her face, on her arms and on her legs, she’s as gorgeous as she ever was. She was flawless as the white silk dress she’s always wearing. She has a brunette hair, blue eyes and enchanting smile with her pale skin. No wonder that any man from another town would come to visit her and brought her the rarest flowers and precious gifts just to hear her sweet “yes”.

Marcelina rejected them all for she cannot force herself to love someone she can’t. One of the things she always said to her mom whenever she’s pushing her to dress up for an eligible man was, “No matter what kind of man he was, if I cannot love him, then he’s not worth to be my husband.”

Her mom would stay up silent and just leave the room full of discontentment and vex to her daughter. Her mom’s concern was for her to marry a man who can provide her with anything she needed as her beloved father might die soon and his younger brother might inherit the state they were leaving in. Nothing left for Marcela but the pettiness of her brother to stay in the house with her nieces and nephews if she would not marry, and as always as her mother reminded her of such, Marcela has always another plan.

It wasn’t until the spring was the blooming flowers started to grow that Marcela decided to pick one of the tulips into her mother’s backyard. She’s humming one of the songs that her mom taught to her and to her brother, Marcus, as she was giggling with amusement to herself. Not sooner than that, Marcela noticed a young man, a man with beauty and composure. He was looking directly into the young lad’s eyes that she suddenly felt the rush of different emotions spreading through her veins. Her heart pumped faster that she mistook it for the coffee she drank this morning. The man was ten feet away from their yard and he seemed really mesmerized by her beauty. He smiled at her and she shyly turned around hoping he never take notice of her dumb expression.

She entered the house and met her mom who was cooking roasted chicken and rose salad as her gaze turns towards her.

“What happened to your face, Marcy? Is the spring heat burns your skin?”

“Aye, mama. I was just having a nervous attack because of the coffee I drink this morning. It affects the bump of my blood.”

Her mother just looks at her with the mix of a doubt and anxiousness but she never asked any further.

That night, Mrs. Jones, their closest neighbor invited them for a dinner because Marcelina’s mom cannot attend as she was taking care of her sick father.  Marcelina and Marcus went on their behalf. She was surprised to see a number of foods and wines on the table in a classy manner. Mrs. Jones was rich yet very kind. She has no son and her husband was long dead. She’d been in Mrs. Jones house a couple of times even before her husband died. She was a motherly old young lady who was always generous of her neighbors who offers neighborhood kids sweets and cookies.

Marcelina dressed up as her mom told her so. There were a number of guests. Most of them were her neighbors but some were people she didn’t know. After a few dances, she’d exchange with Daniel, her best friend, and Mr. Fredrick, her longtime suitor, Mrs. Jones invited them for a dinner.

It was then that she noticed the man she saw earlier. His stunning green eyes, strong jaws, and dirty blonde hair stood out. Mrs. Jones called out her name and introduced her to him.

“Oh Marcelina, the most stunning woman I’d ever seen! Come.” said the old lady as she gesturing her to come and sit beside her. “Mr. Robin, I’d like you to meet her. Marcy, this is Mr. Austin Robin, my grandson from my niece. He’s 21 and a sailor and Mr. Robin, this is Marcelina Sanchez, the most enchanting and the most graceful woman I’d ever met.” Mrs. Jones laughed hysterically before she continued to say, “She’s just 19.”

The young man just smiled while they both bowed down their head.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Marcy.”

After that, a spark flew between each other’s eyes that neither of them ever controlled. He is charming indeed and very gentlemanly. It wasn’t long before the announcer announced a new dance that Mr. Robin asked her hand.

They dance for about an hour before saying goodbye. Mr. Robin brought her to their home as Marcus left the ballroom earlier that night, and proceed to invite her for a walk tomorrow morning.

The next day, Mr. Robin showed up at the door wearing a formal shirt and a fishing equipment. They spend the whole morning talking about each childhood memories until he begun to question her for her first love. Marcelina blush as she never expected him to ask such a bold question. She answered him gracefully.

“I never had a kiss before or make love to someone else,” she laughs shyly.

“I stick into my standard as to whom I will give myself into.”

Mr. Robin smiled and told her, “You’re very innocent but a very tough woman indeed. You have principles!” he exclaimed as she was a little bit embarrassed about his remarks. It wasn’t sooner or later that the two of them begun a close relationship.

Springtime was over and so the summer begins. As the heat of the sun arises so Marcelina and Mr. Robin’s adoration for each other. It wasn’t until the beginning of fall that the two of them make love under the oak tree they used to go with when they were gone fishing. Her mom and her father were all on good terms with him as well as Mrs. Jones.

That night was full of passion and Mr. Robin made sure her first time doesn’t hurt that much. He kissed her so softly down to her neck and to the most sensitive part of her body. He made love to her as if there were no tomorrow, promising that he won’t leave her side.

The next morning, Mr. Robin never came to visit her. She began to freak out but her mom comforted her by telling her that it was just all right as maybe Mr. Robin was just busy with his job as a businessman who always does his traveling. It wasn’t until two nights later that she found out Mr. Robin was gone for good. He never said a thing or two to Mrs. Jones and he neither said goodbye to her or even to her family.

She was completely devastated and broken-hearted about the news. She could not believe that Mr. Robin would be made this far as to scrutinize her feminine gender. She was so naive and indeed a fool about all his good intentions when all he wants was to sleep with her. She cried all alone into her room as her mother tried to comfort her. No one knows that she wasn’t pure anymore; except for herself and the man she hated the most.

Winter came and she hasn’t heard any news from the infamous man. She also began experiencing vomiting and hasn’t had her red days for at least two months. It was then that her mom began suspecting her of a possible pregnancy. She talked to her one night.

“When you began losing your appetite as Mr. Robin was gone, I let it passed as I understand how heartbreaking it was for you. But when you started vomiting every food that I’ve set on the table, I began suspecting something else.”

Mrs. Sanchez old expression hasn’t changed but you can see in her eyes the frustration she had dealt with in the past few days.

“Tell me, Marcy, did you sleep with Mr. Robin the night you went out with him? Before the day he left with no trace?”

Marcelina became stiff and she cannot control her eyes. She started crying as she cannot utter a single word to her mother. Her mother came forward to hug her so tight, whispering in a mumbling voice while she was crying.

“I knew it, that bastard. I knew it, poor Marcelina. Oh! My poor, poor Marcelina.”

She knew that she cannot hide the truth to all her neighbors. Soon they will know the truth-her father, her brother, Mrs. Jones and to all those people who look up at her back then. All they could see was a rubbish woman who lost her purity from a man and impregnated her with his child without even looking back. She was now a not so perfect woman. She will be mocked by their town. She will be called dirty and stupid for giving up the only treasure she ever has to offer to her future husband. Her mom was still tight lip about the whole situation. No sooner than that, her baby bump will grow and so the sizes of the dress she’ll be wearing. She was afraid of what will be going to happen. She was afraid of the future of her child.

To make the matter worst, she received a letter from Mr. Robin telling her how sorry he was for not saying goodbye. He was getting married in the spring to his longtime friend, the woman he cannot forget even if he stayed by Marcelina’s side for almost a year. He was rejected back then by Sophia so he thought that going to his grandma would ease the pain. It wasn’t until they made love that he finally realized who he truly loves. He went back to the town and only to find she was still waiting for him and confess his undying love to her. She was three months pregnant the same exact as her. He told her through a letter that he will give a quarter of his money with her as an apology gift for taking down her purity. Marcelina shook when she reads the letter.

She felt so weak and it wasn’t as much pain as the day Mr. Robin left. It was much worse than it really was. She shut down all her door and as the people of their town soon realized that she was pregnant, the horrible expectation started. Her mom sent her away from the town with Mr. Robin’s money. She gave birth to a baby after the end of summer. She was healthy and has a brunette hair like her mother. She named her Aubrey as a remembrance of all the memories she had with the baby’s father. She has no plan to tell him about everything. She has no plan to tell him what really happened. She didn’t have to but she knew someday her daughter will start questioning her of her lineage. At least, at those times, she won’t cry and stumble when she will meet Mr. Robin. His name alone made her feel sick out of her stomach. She may be lost her virginity to a man who never loves her at the first place but she soon found the purity of love she never has with anyone in her life. The pure unbounded love she felt for her daughter, Aubrey.

A guide to all single mothers: https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/the-single-moms-survival-guide

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My Worth

I’m sorry if I made a mistake in falling in love with you. I never thought that I’m so stupid to fall into all sorts of traps you held me. I’m too beautiful for your taste, too beautiful to get rejected, and too worthy of chasing you. I’m sorry if I constantly ask you to be mine once again but I’m tired. Now that I open up my eyes to the real world and the real life, I stop chasing you. Maybe you’re the perfect of all the guys I’ve dated but I’m worth more than a million pounds of diamonds. One day you look back and regret the day you left me. One day you will realize how worth it I am and how foolish you are to ever let me go. I never cheated on you. I give you all the free time I had and give you the space you want. All you gave me was heartache. You’re not worth it. You maybe became a part of me and a sweet romantic guy I know but you’re too immature to face the true challenges of a relationship. It may take sometime before you realize how irrational you’re reasons are for breaking up with me. By those times, I’m free.

I’m sorry if I believe in every “I love you’s” that you said. I know that something is wrong with my head. I eat bugs and drink their pee that I’m too intoxicated in everything that you had said. You took advantage of my innocence. Only time will know who will remain as a winner but by those times I make sure you’ll regret it. Damn! I wasted my time on a bastard like you.

You wanted to know what is going on in my head right now? Well, in my head you’re a person I hate to see and the person I want to suffer. I know it’s bad but I want you to know how mess I am inside.  I will run away from you now because tomorrow, somebody will save me from all your memories. Then at that time, you’ll realize you’re mistaken. By now, you can be happy with who you are with. I won’t let our past be the hindrance for me to find the right guy who knows MY WORTH.

It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

In the Eyes of a “Suicidal”

People often misunderstood why depressed people took suicide. It wasn’t because we were weak and pathetic human beings. Suicidal people were more than just that. We were hero of our own suffering. In our lives, we were the giver, the most misunderstood and the  most mistreated. You don’t know about our story. You just know, that people like us, kill ourselves because we give up on what life could gave to us, or because we were plainly stupid. You didn’t even know what we were going through. Even the cuts in our hands weren’t enough to tell you how we really feel. Everyone has a story to tell and it doesn’t mean that someone was depressed, they were already weak. The truth was we tried. There were always a point in our lives when we regret what we were doing and there were points in our lives when we told ourselves, “We can do it.” But because of some “inconsiderate” and “judgmental” human beings that instead lift us, put as even more into the depths of depression, and because of how the events was turning, we decided to push it through.

Depression wasn’t just because of stress, problems and anxiety. It also covers the emotional and mental state of the person. There were deeper reasons why we kill ourselves and one of those was you. If you wanted us to stop it, then give us a helping hand, support us and understand. We were just an imperfect human being like you. Fighting depression when everyone was contributing nothing was pretty hard. I can compare it to a cancer that once spread in the body, doctors have had harder time to cure it.

That’s how we see suicide. I repeat, we were not pathetic, nor stupid, nor weak. WE were just people with incurable disease. Please stop judging because it wasn’t your life to begin with. Who knows? Maybe at some point in your life you will feel the same? Who knows maybe you’ll understand how we really feel inside and who we really want to be.

Suicidal people weren’t crazy. We were mostly the people who were happy and easy to please with but at the same time, has the biggest regret. We regret how things turn into us and why we can never control it? Why every time the problem was solved, there were even more bigger problems to come. We don’t need your opinions and advises. WE need your ears to listen and eyes to open how “suicidal” people like me cope with idealistic standard of the society.

Serendipity

Across the border line of solitude,

Is the yearning of one soul’s cross.

  Just like a sheep who lost her mob,

A woman’s heart without a love.

 

But the alteration is yet to come.

The coldness shall be filled with warm.

Ill-fated is now gone.

The sun is yet to shine.

 

Susurrus talisman come knocking to her door

Bringing her with enormous treasure

Her hopes comes in the highest soar

 Serendipity you never expect for.

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Another Rose is Blooming

“Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure; this time, it was no mistake, and this time she wins.  Alas! She found him.” – Tara Nicole

 

It’s been a while since Tara dated any man. For almost four years, she occupied herself with work and responsibilities. She does it not because she wants promotion but because of one simple reason. Forget her ex-fiancée, Josh. Only at this time, she will worry less because she has now Jason with her side, the guy who saves her before she drowns herself in the depths of suicide.

 

She is now happy whenever she’s with him. Neither one of them admits their feelings but she secretly hoping they will end up together. Today, Jason invited her to a barbecue party in their townhouse. She was walking across a group of women that is talking about the new hot guy who is tending the barbecue. The three girls are debating who will approach first and the redhead girl wins.

 

Tara is intrigued so she decided to follow. She is surprised to see that it was Jason whom they are talking about. The red hair girl approaches with seductive eyes asking how old he is and while the other girls are directly flirting with him.

 

She felt a pang of jealousy injected through her veins and she blushes suddenly not because of butterflies she felt whenever she saw him but because of her insecurity. The girls possess the body of a model and all of them are beautiful. Besides, there’s nothing special about her and Jason, except for the few kisses they shared in the past.

 

She distracted herself before she even started remembering what happened to them last night. She approaches, Jason instead while he’s still tending the barbeque and the three girls are still there. He seems so pleased to see her that he drops the rest of the oil to the ground. Tara laughs sarcastically.

 

“Hey?” he said while putting his left hand into motion.

“I thought you couldn’t come because of Cecile.”

 

“Cecile is in good condition now. She just needs to take some rest and lots of vitamins. She will be discharged next week,” she said.

 

“Good to know that. We can spend time with each other again.”

He leans closer to whisper in her ears.

 

She immediately feels the magnet traveling through her back. Like a positive and negative meet at the end and starts a spark. She looks at him and he looks at her. Revealing all the words they wanted to say. Jason touches her cheek. She feels his hand, so warm and cozy. His hand travels through her neck, on her shoulders, her arms, and her waist, then holds her tightly and bring her to a cottage away from the people’s spying eyes.

 

She confesses to him that she’s kind of nervous about their situation. Jason’s brother was here and he might know that the two of them are dating. Even if Jason doesn’t confess, she knows he feels the same. If his brother will know, he might kick her out of the company.

 

“What are we going to do if your brother will find it out?”

 

He squeezes her hands to assure her that she doesn’t have to worry about anything. He went closer to her and brushes off the tip of his nose against hers.

 

“I already know what I need to do.”

 

She smells his intoxicating breath. It smells like a vanilla and strawberry. She heard his heartbeat too. Pumping against her bare chest.

 

*Thug-thug-thug-thug*

 

No, it wasn’t his heartbeat. It was hers.

 

“Let’s go inside.”

Jason speaks in a husky masculine voice.

 

“Wha-what are we going to do?”

 

“I just want you to relax. You’re pretty tense.”

 

He looks, even more, deeper into her eyes and he reads her like an open book. There is nothing so vulnerable than to have someone who can turn you like a crazy person in just one second. She sees the world stop right in front of her and the only thing that is ticking is her heart. He might not be the first man to own it but he will be her last.

 

He leads her into the cottage and pushes her body into the bed. He then lowers his head and kisses her while touching every inch of her body and moaning her name.

 

“Tara, Tara….”

 

Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure, this time, it was no mistake, and this time, she wins.  Alas! She found him. The one that is right for her.

 

He takes off her clothes while slowly going down her neck, touching her thighs. He knows his way around her because she’s already screaming with ecstasy. His hard chest is against her and he’s pushing her deeper into the bed. She feels he’s torso against her and the igniting passion inside them. She wants him so bad that even words can’t explain. She knows that after this, she will confess. She will confess how much she loves him because if she doesn’t, she might regret it forever.