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  The Unrequited

 

They say if you stumble upon romantic love, make sure you won’t come across to the worst form of it, the unrequited love. Why? It is because unrequited is a love or attraction that never returned or rewarded. If you fall in love with someone who doesn’t felt the same way, chances are you’re in a squad of people who fall into the depths of unreturned love.

One story stands out amongst the lilies of the pond. Kemberly was still in her elementary days when her parents decided to split up. Her father gave up her custody to her aunt, his youngest sister, who became her sole guardian for the last decade. Her aunt did not give the love of a parental figure Kemberly desired. When it came to chores around the house, she was more willing to comply than most of her cousins. Yet sadly with her aunt’s uncontrollable temper, she ended up getting scolded, being slapped and having bruises.

Growing up in that kind of family was quite the challenge. With no parents to cling to and showed her love, she started to become less dependent and spend more time to herself. She would read books about fantastic couples or tragic romantic stories and was often seen by the river banks looking into an abyss of nothingness. Sadly, it was the only way that she could cope her anxiety and stress. She sometimes saw herself as a damsel in distress being saved by her Prince Charming and believing that one day she will meet her knight in shining armor. It was not until she met a boy named Brandon that she started to realize something much deeper.

They become friends one day during the preparation for their Intramurals. She was one of the contestants in debate and he was also one of the contestants on the other divisions. They’ve become friends and since then their ties become much more than just that, labeling each other as close siblings.

They hang out mostly in each other’s houses letting the suspicious eyes raised into them by the students in their school. People saw them as a couple or M.U’s which stands for friends with “mutual understanding”, but Kemberly and Brandon kept denying the fact since they knew, there was no label in their friendship.

It wasn’t long after Kemberly realize her big mistakes. She was in love with her best friend. She caught herself looking at Brandon’s eyes with much more passion and devotion. She hides it hoping Brandon would show the same kind of interest on her, but it didn’t happen.

One day, a plethora of rumors about Brandon’s another woman had aroused and since then, people keep asking questions about their true relationship. People walked by and asked her if they already broke up and she would just be nice and told them, “There was no ‘us’. We’re just friends.”

She knows nothing more about the new woman. Though she knows it was a mortal sin to stalk her best friend, she did it anyway. There, she found the first evidence of her first heartache. The caption “I finally met the angel of my life.” broke her heart for millions and millions of shuttering pieces. Looking at the picture make her stomach release chemicals she never knew existed. Heartbroken and rejected, she finally stumble upon her desk and cried. The summer vacation Brandon brag on her during summer turns out to be much more than just that. During that vacation, he met Vanessa, a tall and beautiful young student model the same age as them. She was sweet and kind that the second he laid his eyes on her, it was an instant attraction. It was the first time Brandon felt love and it was all written in his profile.

For the first time, Kemberly felt betrayed by a person who never betrayed her at the first place. She told herself, ‘You need to move on now and find other else to focus on. Forget him, Kemberly…’ but moving on was not an easy word. She did everything she could but found herself running back to him, who holds the biggest part of her heart.

She found herself confronting him.

“Why you didn’t tell me?”

“I am planning to surprise you,” he said.

“But now the whole campus knows except me! I’m your best friend, Brand. Why you didn’t tell me this?”

“Well, you are still going to meet her since she will be transferring to our school. So I thought it would be nice to introduce the two of you in person.”

That would be the last thing Kemberly ever heard. She cannot recall the first nor the last thing he said after that. Her mind was full of confusion and rejection. All she could think was the pain she felt inside.

Love was the most complicated word ever existed and the only word that has no exact meaning. When and how could you tell you are in love with someone and when and how will it stop? The question was on Kemberly’s head for months.  The question of when will be her unrequited love lasts. She respected that Brandon was giving her less and less of his time. She knows Vanessa was jealous of her and that would be the last thing to do since she was the main reason for their argument. She knows that being Brandon’s best friend was more than enough than losing him.

She adopted the motto, “It is better to feel love and pain than to feel nothing at all because it was a sign that we are human”. We fall in love, we feel pain, we feel happy and we feel sadness. All these things are balanced and were in place that makes the world equilibrium.

She continues to love Brandon in distance. She helped him during their anniversaries, preparing for food and shopping for teddy bears and chocolates he will give as a present. She was there during his ups and downs. She was there during their breakups and reassuring him that they will eventually go back together and they did.

Eventually, during their graduation day, Kemberly witnessed the most changing moments of her life. After he gave her a diamond necklace perfectly curved with letter “K”, he and Vanessa broke up without giving him any reason. After the graduation ball ended, he went straight to their home and pulled the trigger but she stopped him. With her teary eyes, she told him,

“One girl is not enough to pay for your life,”

“But I love her, Kemberly! You would never understand because you were never been in love!”

“Who told you I was never been in love?”

He looked at her with doubtful eyes and still  holding the rifle in his hand. She was crying so hard that she can barely see him.

“Why? You never told me you were in love before,”

Kemberly made her composure and told her self ‘This is it,’ the end of their friendship and the last day of her secret. It didn’t matter any more than his life. This time he needs to know that she had enough pain that he actually has. This time she needed to tell him everything.

“I have been in love before,”

“To whom?” he spoke so confusedly that you can almost see the tiredness on his face.

“To you.”

A moment of silence feels within the space between them. It was not long before Brandon begins to laugh.

“Are you kidding me? We’re just friends!”

Yes, Friends. How many times will you slap me with the truth that you can never see me romantically? How many times will I attend your tantrums every single time she broke up with you? How many times will you made me cry? How many times will you kill me slowly? How long will I be able to be patient with you? I don’t think you even deserve my care and yet I am still here begging you not to kill yourself? Is everything I did not enough? Is my love for you not enough?

With all those silence bullets inside her heart, Kemberly responded the only thing she thought was right.

“I am serious Brandon. I didn’t come here to beg for you not to end your life just because you’re my friend and I care for you! I came here because of one simple reason−love. No, I didn’t come here to beg you to love me too. I came here to tell you that what you experienced isn’t as much as I have for these past three years. Seeing the man you were in love with into the arms of another woman is like living in a planet with no water. It’s slowly killing me and painfully tearing me apart.”

She step a little bit closer to the still-shocked Brandon. With each slowly painful step, she finally managed to get his trembling hand and point the rifle to her heart.

“If there would be one person that needs to die, it should be me. I already had enough, heard enough and experienced enough. The day of your first kiss, the day you lost your innocence, the day of your first heart ache… I’ve seen them all. I’ve seen how you’ve changed from a simple man to a man you are today, and I’m secretly wishing I was the reason behind it. I am secretly wishing that you will look at me with the same bright eyes you did on her. I am secretly wishing I was the first person to taste your lips. I am secretly wishing that you will look at me one day and you will realise I am different than anyone you’ve dated. No−I ended up in frustration because even the biggest changes like the new color of my hair or the way I dress never seem to affect you. I started to realise that maybe this love was not made to be returned at all. It was made to sacrifice.”

Brandon was silent all those times with his eyes bursting into tears as he looked into the deepest soul of Kemberly. All of these years he never realized how much sacrifice she made for him, and for his selfish wishes. All of these years, he just treated her like a shadow that can only be noticed when there’s a bright sun pointing towards his body. He made her feel worthless, unloved and uncared when she was the only one that loves him all along.

“Next time,” she continued with a whispering voice, “when you see yourself giving up on everything in the name of love−remember me. Love is not true when you don’t put sacrifices on it. Be glad you feel pain and don’t see it as the reason to kill yourself. Imagine it as a gift you gave to someone you love without asking any in return, and you will likely to feel the genuine happiness you never had when someone loves you back; contentment, peace, and pure love.”

Brandon lowered his rifle and began to feel ashamed about himself. He never realized how much pain he gave neither on Kemberly nor to his own self. He did not even consider the feelings of the other people around him. One girl is not enough to end his life.

Many years had passed since that fateful day. She went to Manila to pursue her career in medicine while he stayed to their town in hopes of blooming up their business. Eventually, he lost his contact on her. Their friendship was never been the same since that day she admitted the truth. Awkwardness was all around. Whenever they went on each other, he refused to speak on her making it more unpleasant and painful for her. Although, it’s been a long time since, rumors were still around. Others said she got married from a man on the other town, but others were still skeptical and  believed that Kemberly never moved on from her hopeless love on him. Some spotted her by a window not far from Brandon’s new apartment. Others said she was in disguise.

Meanwhile, Brandon was celebrating his wedding night on a small cruise. They both rented with his wife, a woman named Audrey. While the party was going on, he and his wife went near the deck when she suddenly slipped over with her gown. She fell into the icy water.

Seeing this, he jumped off as fast as he could before a shark went near the distance closer to his wife. He managed to get her out of the water with the ship’s crew member’s help but unfortunately he slip back again. Wounded, he attracted two more sharks. On the midst of the chaos, a woman who was wearing a black leathered jacket came forward and saved him. He managed to hold her but as he did, the sharks bite off half of her body and tossed her into the mid air. The only remains in that woman was a necklace gorgeously carved in letter “K” and a greeting card dropped on the floor with a quote from Abraham Cowley,

A mighty pain to love it is, and ‘tis a pain that pain to miss; But of all pains, the greatest pain, it is to love, but love in vain.”

~The End~

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My Worth

I’m sorry if I made a mistake in falling in love with you. I never thought that I’m so stupid to fall into all sorts of traps you held me. I’m too beautiful for your taste, too beautiful to get rejected, and too worthy of chasing you. I’m sorry if I constantly ask you to be mine once again but I’m tired. Now that I open up my eyes to the real world and the real life, I stop chasing you. Maybe you’re the perfect of all the guys I’ve dated but I’m worth more than a million pounds of diamonds. One day you look back and regret the day you left me. One day you will realize how worth it I am and how foolish you are to ever let me go. I never cheated on you. I give you all the free time I had and give you the space you want. All you gave me was heartache. You’re not worth it. You maybe became a part of me and a sweet romantic guy I know but you’re too immature to face the true challenges of a relationship. It may take sometime before you realize how irrational you’re reasons are for breaking up with me. By those times, I’m free.

I’m sorry if I believe in every “I love you’s” that you said. I know that something is wrong with my head. I eat bugs and drink their pee that I’m too intoxicated in everything that you had said. You took advantage of my innocence. Only time will know who will remain as a winner but by those times I make sure you’ll regret it. Damn! I wasted my time on a bastard like you.

You wanted to know what is going on in my head right now? Well, in my head you’re a person I hate to see and the person I want to suffer. I know it’s bad but I want you to know how mess I am inside.  I will run away from you now because tomorrow, somebody will save me from all your memories. Then at that time, you’ll realize you’re mistaken. By now, you can be happy with who you are with. I won’t let our past be the hindrance for me to find the right guy who knows MY WORTH.

It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

My Week Overall.

I had a pretty good week. i am usually the guy who’s always super negative about everything but I am trying to change that. Sure I know i haven’t been posting that much these past 2 weeks but I posted something…at some point. I felt super tired this week for no reason. I been taking it pretty easy at work but that stupid headache just won’t leave me alone. My boss has left work…permanently. It was for the best but i am going to miss the guy. I haven’t sold a single shirt this week and it’s making me sad. https://shop.spreadshirt.com/tress/ <<== go on this link and buy a shirt if you have the spare change…I will truly appreciate it and the shirt are mango certified good 🙂 Yeah to make things worst i had spend a lot of money for class and other stuff. I haven’t spent so much money in one week like this in a while!!! Okay I said I was going to be positive but I haven’t said anything nice yet. This week i started watching a few good shows (My Love Story!!, Into The Badlands, The Promise). I prayed more than i usually do so that’s also good. the best part of it all i had plenty of mango!!! The part was that they were mostly good quality mango. I haven’t had those in a while so that was truly refreshing. I talked to super awesome people like my friend’s friend who sends my messages for me. yeah she is somehow more busy then me and its our only way of communicating. Her messages always brighten up my day 🙂 I hope she gets back to me soon. Like I said I had a pretty good week all things considered. Don’t forget to pick up a shirt here ==>> https://shop.spreadshirt.com/tress/ and please tell me about your week 🙂

Cheap fun late night ideas?

So I have this friend I want to hang out with but is always busy. I really busy too because I have work, school and everything else in between. After making some modification to my schedule I found that the only time we have free are nights. We are working on this project together right now but I am kind of getting tired of it. I want to take a break but with my limited schedule I don’t know what to do. I am on a budget so there are some things I just can’t do right now. I was wondering if you the readers would be interested in helping me out with a few ideas on what activity can be done at night with little money. What do you guys think I should do?

Spring line!

So one of the new projects I have been working on these pass two months is this T-shirt shirt design. I really like and I think anyone who loves mango will too. https://shop.spreadshirt.com/tress?noCache=true is the link. The way it’s going to work is every season I will put up a new shirt and a brand new design. Once we hit the  the same season again next year the design from the last year will no longer be available. Please take this time to go check out what we have now HERE. Even if this isn’t your thing please share it with anyone who you think might be into this. Thank you very much for your support and once again this is the link https://shop.spreadshirt.com/tress?noCache=true . Enjoy your day 🙂

“The closest to my heart”

This actually what I used to call this girl I once knew. We had a very complex relationship…but I will try to simplify it the best I can. She was the most amazing girl ever, I loved her and she loved me. Things weren’t always great, we had our flaws. My problem was I wasn’t open enough. I help back on my feelings, I lied sometimes  because I was an idiot. I wasn’t always there when I should have been and I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been. I really loved this girl but she wasn’t perfect either. She was extremely insecure and basically was the cause of her problems. She would get jealous for the smallest things. She always was easily annoyed and triggered a lot of argument, (pointless) but very long arguments. It didn’t help that we were from two very different worlds. She had a rather conservative black and white world and  I lived in a very grey liberal world. We had almost the same core values. We both poetry and the arts. We loved learning and knowledge itself, despite our flaws and differences. We weren’t perfect individual but we were perfect for each other. we were perfect in our imperfections. Despite all of those problems, this wasn’t what separated us. About a month before we parted ways my life took an unexpected turn. I was facing massive financial troubles. I could no longer afford school, I didn’t even know how much longer my family was going to afford the very we were living. We made some very big budgets cuts. I became very busy at work and my physical health was failing. We could no longer afford to talk everyday. I end up leaving all the accounts I had held online. I was very depressed for a while. When i decided to come back to my accounts, the obvious had happen. Everyone had forgotten about me. Anyone I used to talk to online simply wouldn’t reply, even she had left me. I E-mailed her a couple times she never responded. I now have to assume that she moved on to bigger better things than me. I have no one to blame but myself. I wish I could turn back time to the good old days where we could message each other all day. I failed her because I am the one who left.  Now I am all alone…I hope where is happy where ever she might be. 🙂 :/