Category Archives: Opinion

The Chivalry Is dead

As I was looking for noodles to eat this dinner on seven-eleven since our boarding house don’t have a kitchen, I stumble upon this two guys. Although I’ve seen too many guys that were selfish and were very proud, today I witnessed disturbing attitudes of modern guys. I see how the chivalry was slowly dying in our culture and the gracefulness of our women.

What happened was while I was looking for a chair, two teachers who just finished eating asked me if the bag on that table was mine and I firmly said no. They asked me twice if I have someone with me and I still decline and normally responded to them that I’m alone.They then turn to the other table talking about the carelessness of the owner for just leaving their bag somewhere. As they were talking aloud, the security guard overhears them and proceed to get the bag on the table. I was stirring my noodles as it was freshly poured with hot water. While I was sitting, a guy rushed to me and said in a very loud voice that made the whole place suddenly got quiet as I was there sitting and looking at him.

“Are you the one who handed my bag to the security guard?!”

I told him that I don’t have an idea and didn’t participate in anything with regards to his bag.

“I don’t know. He just suddenly gets it from the table.”

The teachers then spoke to him telling that they mistook it as carelessness.

Let me give you a small background in our culture. We tend to leave our bags (except for our money and phones) to the table so that nobody will ever sit on it as it was “reserved”. Perhaps, people get it most of the time. So the teachers says exactly same thing,

“Oh, we thought that someone leaves it on the table and forget to get it back. We didn’t mean to bother you.”

He then proceeds to ask me to find a new table. WHAT THE HECK. I was angry literally but I never intended to insult anyone prior to what he just said to me about his bag. I can clearly remember what he said to me in Cebuano dialect.

“Miss, if you had someone with you, please find another table.”

Then I told him “No” while the teacher was still talking about their mistake. He then said it twice again and I again decline. For the third time I said “no”, I included to the speech that I’m totally alone but this time the teacher was about to leave so she interrupted and said’ “Oh we’re about to leave. Just sit here.” Their paper plates and plastic cups were still there at the table since the service crew hasn’t put it into the trashcan.

I was really eyeing the two of them since their table was just next to mine. In my mind, I wanted to insult them for lacking gentlemanliness in their attitude. The table is quite big. It can fit entirely four people and there were only two of them! Only two and all are men. How can they mistreat a woman like me? They don’t know what good conduct and good manner are.

I know that guys are slowly becoming more aggressive this year. Showing only their “gentleman” side to the people they know or just for their girlfriends. Its just stupidity and lack of respect towards a woman which I may say one of the things I really hate.

Then 5 minutes later, I got up and leave my bags on the table as I grab for a water to drink. When I came back, two men were already sitting on my table. I just let them be as I’m not that harsh as the other two “men” who were across the table on us.

The wives of these two men were still buying foods so I took the opportunity to eat as fast as I could. Meanwhile, they were talking about their friend who was a lover of a married woman. I just patiently eat while they talk about a lot of things and although I heard them, I was just constantly and silently enjoying my food. when the other guy that sits beside me ask, “Am I right, Miss?”

I say nothing. Then he proceeds to ask where was my husband.

In my mind, I was totally annoyed so I stared at him in disbelief. Can’t he tell I’m too young to be mistaken as a married woman? And excuse me, Not all people who ate at seven-eleven alone were all married. What the heck he is talking about? I raised one of my eyebrows while he was giving me a pervert look. I told him,

“No. I’m still studying.” with a cold voice and eat once again. He asked me about where and what year and I just reply to a short message. He then proceeds to talk to his companion about not getting married at an early age and told me that I should get a husband.

This angers me more but knowing as an ENFP myself, I just let it pass as I avoid conflict that much and never wanted to hurt people’s feelings.

That’s why I’m letting all my feelings get out on this blog. I’m not married, I’m still 19 and I’m a college student with a bachelor degree. Only a stupid guy will mistake me for a fucking married woman. I dress neatly and I put my hair in a ponytail. Only a guy with arrogant nature can reject me to sit at a table and shout at me in a very extravagant voice. I hate guys here, to be honest.

Maybe its because due to the fact I’m darker than most girls. If I happen to have a fairer skin they might show a little chivalry or the guy sitting next to me wouldn’t give me the account and remark as a married woman.

Most women who marry at an early age were dark-skin due to the fact that they were on the farm and doing hard labor for their family so they will always be exposed as dirty workers who married at a very young age to a very poor man also.

Yeah, most Asian countries were racist, I tell you. That’s why when I get married someday, I don’t wanna get involved with any guy here, let alone marriage. I don’t want to inject glutathione into my skin to become lighter just to lure any guys that I like. Sorry. I concluded that chivalry was already dead for a man who looks down at a darker-skin woman because she just looks dirty.

Women want ‘modern chivalry’ – but find it’s rare | IOL Lifestyle: https://www.iol.co.za/…/women-want-modern-chivalry—but-find-its-rare-10606989

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It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

For My Ex-Boyfriend

If I only know you would leave me just because my problems were too much to you, I would never say “yes” in the first place. Because a true man who loves me will always love me no matter how many problems that will come my way. If you only love me, You will never ever gave up on me because you know, leaving me can never bring good for my life. You know I’m on the point of drowning but you drown me even more. Now, all your “I love you more” meant nothing to me. Now, all your promises meant nothing to me. For me, you’re just another guy who only wants my physical appearance but not my heart. Just another guy who will leave me just because I’m a depressed woman. Just another guy who came to break my heart. No, I love you. You just don’t feel the same. No, I did my everything and is ready to forget my family just to be with you but you were not just into me. Now I don’t know how to feel anymore cause I’m already dead inside. You made me who I am today. Now please, don’t go back to me. I don’t need someone like you. Find a woman who is a perfect fit for your high standard criteria and ideality and let see if you’ll ever find a perfect woman that can last you longer. Sometimes an ideal woman never meant to stay because they were just “ideal”. When we start to find who they really were, we start falling out of love with them. That’s what happens to us. Now, love a robot because robot never made mistake and its an ideal perfection for you. An ideal relationship that only existed in your mind. An ideal relationship you’ll soon regret.

 

Signs He loves You

  1. He accept all your flaws and imperfections.
  2. Support you in everything. Either problems or just your decision-making, he’s there reminding you that you have his back.
  3. There’s no thing as “too busy”. He will always make time for you whenever he can.
  4. He never lies about who’s with him and where he is.
  5. He’ll tell you when everything is too much. Like your actions are not good anymore for the benefits of the two of you.
  6. He will never cheat. Never. Because every time he was tempted, he thinks of you first before his own ego.
  7. He accepts whatever color and sizes you are. For his eyes, you will always be beautiful and he will always love you.
  8. In terms of big problems, he stays strong for you and showed you that no matter what happen, there will always another way around.
  9. He’ll always stay gentleman like the first day. He wont take advantage on you.
  10.  He always has patience no matter how longer you takes to dress or no matter how immature you are, he’s always has patience for you.
  11. He forgives you no matter how big it is.
  12.  Lastly, you just know it.

Always trust your instinct. If he haven’t done anything suspicious then it’s not worth arguing for. In these days, finding a man who will stay for you even against all the odds is very rare. So please took care of your man and just don’t look at the physical beauty. It doesn’t matter how handsome he was. What matter most is his HEART. ❤

In the Eyes of a “Suicidal”

People often misunderstood why depressed people took suicide. It wasn’t because we were weak and pathetic human beings. Suicidal people were more than just that. We were hero of our own suffering. In our lives, we were the giver, the most misunderstood and the  most mistreated. You don’t know about our story. You just know, that people like us, kill ourselves because we give up on what life could gave to us, or because we were plainly stupid. You didn’t even know what we were going through. Even the cuts in our hands weren’t enough to tell you how we really feel. Everyone has a story to tell and it doesn’t mean that someone was depressed, they were already weak. The truth was we tried. There were always a point in our lives when we regret what we were doing and there were points in our lives when we told ourselves, “We can do it.” But because of some “inconsiderate” and “judgmental” human beings that instead lift us, put as even more into the depths of depression, and because of how the events was turning, we decided to push it through.

Depression wasn’t just because of stress, problems and anxiety. It also covers the emotional and mental state of the person. There were deeper reasons why we kill ourselves and one of those was you. If you wanted us to stop it, then give us a helping hand, support us and understand. We were just an imperfect human being like you. Fighting depression when everyone was contributing nothing was pretty hard. I can compare it to a cancer that once spread in the body, doctors have had harder time to cure it.

That’s how we see suicide. I repeat, we were not pathetic, nor stupid, nor weak. WE were just people with incurable disease. Please stop judging because it wasn’t your life to begin with. Who knows? Maybe at some point in your life you will feel the same? Who knows maybe you’ll understand how we really feel inside and who we really want to be.

Suicidal people weren’t crazy. We were mostly the people who were happy and easy to please with but at the same time, has the biggest regret. We regret how things turn into us and why we can never control it? Why every time the problem was solved, there were even more bigger problems to come. We don’t need your opinions and advises. WE need your ears to listen and eyes to open how “suicidal” people like me cope with idealistic standard of the society.