Category Archives: Inconsiderate

Purity

 

For them, Marcelina’s beauty was no match than anyone in their town ever been. She was an innocent, naive, sweet and graceful woman who was always been looked up to and been envied by most women. When you see Marcela, you see perfection. All the way from top to bottom, you can never see a single mistake. Even on her face, on her arms and on her legs, she’s as gorgeous as she ever was. She was flawless as the white silk dress she’s always wearing. She has a brunette hair, blue eyes and enchanting smile with her pale skin. No wonder that any man from another town would come to visit her and brought her the rarest flowers and precious gifts just to hear her sweet “yes”.

Marcelina rejected them all for she cannot force herself to love someone she can’t. One of the things she always said to her mom whenever she’s pushing her to dress up for an eligible man was, “No matter what kind of man he was, if I cannot love him, then he’s not worth to be my husband.”

Her mom would stay up silent and just leave the room full of discontentment and vex to her daughter. Her mom’s concern was for her to marry a man who can provide her with anything she needed as her beloved father might die soon and his younger brother might inherit the state they were leaving in. Nothing left for Marcela but the pettiness of her brother to stay in the house with her nieces and nephews if she would not marry, and as always as her mother reminded her of such, Marcela has always another plan.

It wasn’t until the spring was the blooming flowers started to grow that Marcela decided to pick one of the tulips into her mother’s backyard. She’s humming one of the songs that her mom taught to her and to her brother, Marcus, as she was giggling with amusement to herself. Not sooner than that, Marcela noticed a young man, a man with beauty and composure. He was looking directly into the young lad’s eyes that she suddenly felt the rush of different emotions spreading through her veins. Her heart pumped faster that she mistook it for the coffee she drank this morning. The man was ten feet away from their yard and he seemed really mesmerized by her beauty. He smiled at her and she shyly turned around hoping he never take notice of her dumb expression.

She entered the house and met her mom who was cooking roasted chicken and rose salad as her gaze turns towards her.

“What happened to your face, Marcy? Is the spring heat burns your skin?”

“Aye, mama. I was just having a nervous attack because of the coffee I drink this morning. It affects the bump of my blood.”

Her mother just looks at her with the mix of a doubt and anxiousness but she never asked any further.

That night, Mrs. Jones, their closest neighbor invited them for a dinner because Marcelina’s mom cannot attend as she was taking care of her sick father.  Marcelina and Marcus went on their behalf. She was surprised to see a number of foods and wines on the table in a classy manner. Mrs. Jones was rich yet very kind. She has no son and her husband was long dead. She’d been in Mrs. Jones house a couple of times even before her husband died. She was a motherly old young lady who was always generous of her neighbors who offers neighborhood kids sweets and cookies.

Marcelina dressed up as her mom told her so. There were a number of guests. Most of them were her neighbors but some were people she didn’t know. After a few dances, she’d exchange with Daniel, her best friend, and Mr. Fredrick, her longtime suitor, Mrs. Jones invited them for a dinner.

It was then that she noticed the man she saw earlier. His stunning green eyes, strong jaws, and dirty blonde hair stood out. Mrs. Jones called out her name and introduced her to him.

“Oh Marcelina, the most stunning woman I’d ever seen! Come.” said the old lady as she gesturing her to come and sit beside her. “Mr. Robin, I’d like you to meet her. Marcy, this is Mr. Austin Robin, my grandson from my niece. He’s 21 and a sailor and Mr. Robin, this is Marcelina Sanchez, the most enchanting and the most graceful woman I’d ever met.” Mrs. Jones laughed hysterically before she continued to say, “She’s just 19.”

The young man just smiled while they both bowed down their head.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Marcy.”

After that, a spark flew between each other’s eyes that neither of them ever controlled. He is charming indeed and very gentlemanly. It wasn’t long before the announcer announced a new dance that Mr. Robin asked her hand.

They dance for about an hour before saying goodbye. Mr. Robin brought her to their home as Marcus left the ballroom earlier that night, and proceed to invite her for a walk tomorrow morning.

The next day, Mr. Robin showed up at the door wearing a formal shirt and a fishing equipment. They spend the whole morning talking about each childhood memories until he begun to question her for her first love. Marcelina blush as she never expected him to ask such a bold question. She answered him gracefully.

“I never had a kiss before or make love to someone else,” she laughs shyly.

“I stick into my standard as to whom I will give myself into.”

Mr. Robin smiled and told her, “You’re very innocent but a very tough woman indeed. You have principles!” he exclaimed as she was a little bit embarrassed about his remarks. It wasn’t sooner or later that the two of them begun a close relationship.

Springtime was over and so the summer begins. As the heat of the sun arises so Marcelina and Mr. Robin’s adoration for each other. It wasn’t until the beginning of fall that the two of them make love under the oak tree they used to go with when they were gone fishing. Her mom and her father were all on good terms with him as well as Mrs. Jones.

That night was full of passion and Mr. Robin made sure her first time doesn’t hurt that much. He kissed her so softly down to her neck and to the most sensitive part of her body. He made love to her as if there were no tomorrow, promising that he won’t leave her side.

The next morning, Mr. Robin never came to visit her. She began to freak out but her mom comforted her by telling her that it was just all right as maybe Mr. Robin was just busy with his job as a businessman who always does his traveling. It wasn’t until two nights later that she found out Mr. Robin was gone for good. He never said a thing or two to Mrs. Jones and he neither said goodbye to her or even to her family.

She was completely devastated and broken-hearted about the news. She could not believe that Mr. Robin would be made this far as to scrutinize her feminine gender. She was so naive and indeed a fool about all his good intentions when all he wants was to sleep with her. She cried all alone into her room as her mother tried to comfort her. No one knows that she wasn’t pure anymore; except for herself and the man she hated the most.

Winter came and she hasn’t heard any news from the infamous man. She also began experiencing vomiting and hasn’t had her red days for at least two months. It was then that her mom began suspecting her of a possible pregnancy. She talked to her one night.

“When you began losing your appetite as Mr. Robin was gone, I let it passed as I understand how heartbreaking it was for you. But when you started vomiting every food that I’ve set on the table, I began suspecting something else.”

Mrs. Sanchez old expression hasn’t changed but you can see in her eyes the frustration she had dealt with in the past few days.

“Tell me, Marcy, did you sleep with Mr. Robin the night you went out with him? Before the day he left with no trace?”

Marcelina became stiff and she cannot control her eyes. She started crying as she cannot utter a single word to her mother. Her mother came forward to hug her so tight, whispering in a mumbling voice while she was crying.

“I knew it, that bastard. I knew it, poor Marcelina. Oh! My poor, poor Marcelina.”

She knew that she cannot hide the truth to all her neighbors. Soon they will know the truth-her father, her brother, Mrs. Jones and to all those people who look up at her back then. All they could see was a rubbish woman who lost her purity from a man and impregnated her with his child without even looking back. She was now a not so perfect woman. She will be mocked by their town. She will be called dirty and stupid for giving up the only treasure she ever has to offer to her future husband. Her mom was still tight lip about the whole situation. No sooner than that, her baby bump will grow and so the sizes of the dress she’ll be wearing. She was afraid of what will be going to happen. She was afraid of the future of her child.

To make the matter worst, she received a letter from Mr. Robin telling her how sorry he was for not saying goodbye. He was getting married in the spring to his longtime friend, the woman he cannot forget even if he stayed by Marcelina’s side for almost a year. He was rejected back then by Sophia so he thought that going to his grandma would ease the pain. It wasn’t until they made love that he finally realized who he truly loves. He went back to the town and only to find she was still waiting for him and confess his undying love to her. She was three months pregnant the same exact as her. He told her through a letter that he will give a quarter of his money with her as an apology gift for taking down her purity. Marcelina shook when she reads the letter.

She felt so weak and it wasn’t as much pain as the day Mr. Robin left. It was much worse than it really was. She shut down all her door and as the people of their town soon realized that she was pregnant, the horrible expectation started. Her mom sent her away from the town with Mr. Robin’s money. She gave birth to a baby after the end of summer. She was healthy and has a brunette hair like her mother. She named her Aubrey as a remembrance of all the memories she had with the baby’s father. She has no plan to tell him about everything. She has no plan to tell him what really happened. She didn’t have to but she knew someday her daughter will start questioning her of her lineage. At least, at those times, she won’t cry and stumble when she will meet Mr. Robin. His name alone made her feel sick out of her stomach. She may be lost her virginity to a man who never loves her at the first place but she soon found the purity of love she never has with anyone in her life. The pure unbounded love she felt for her daughter, Aubrey.

A guide to all single mothers: https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/single-parenting/the-single-moms-survival-guide

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The Chivalry Is dead

As I was looking for noodles to eat this dinner on seven-eleven since our boarding house don’t have a kitchen, I stumble upon this two guys. Although I’ve seen too many guys that were selfish and were very proud, today I witnessed disturbing attitudes of modern guys. I see how the chivalry was slowly dying in our culture and the gracefulness of our women.

What happened was while I was looking for a chair, two teachers who just finished eating asked me if the bag on that table was mine and I firmly said no. They asked me twice if I have someone with me and I still decline and normally responded to them that I’m alone.They then turn to the other table talking about the carelessness of the owner for just leaving their bag somewhere. As they were talking aloud, the security guard overhears them and proceed to get the bag on the table. I was stirring my noodles as it was freshly poured with hot water. While I was sitting, a guy rushed to me and said in a very loud voice that made the whole place suddenly got quiet as I was there sitting and looking at him.

“Are you the one who handed my bag to the security guard?!”

I told him that I don’t have an idea and didn’t participate in anything with regards to his bag.

“I don’t know. He just suddenly gets it from the table.”

The teachers then spoke to him telling that they mistook it as carelessness.

Let me give you a small background in our culture. We tend to leave our bags (except for our money and phones) to the table so that nobody will ever sit on it as it was “reserved”. Perhaps, people get it most of the time. So the teachers says exactly same thing,

“Oh, we thought that someone leaves it on the table and forget to get it back. We didn’t mean to bother you.”

He then proceeds to ask me to find a new table. WHAT THE HECK. I was angry literally but I never intended to insult anyone prior to what he just said to me about his bag. I can clearly remember what he said to me in Cebuano dialect.

“Miss, if you had someone with you, please find another table.”

Then I told him “No” while the teacher was still talking about their mistake. He then said it twice again and I again decline. For the third time I said “no”, I included to the speech that I’m totally alone but this time the teacher was about to leave so she interrupted and said’ “Oh we’re about to leave. Just sit here.” Their paper plates and plastic cups were still there at the table since the service crew hasn’t put it into the trashcan.

I was really eyeing the two of them since their table was just next to mine. In my mind, I wanted to insult them for lacking gentlemanliness in their attitude. The table is quite big. It can fit entirely four people and there were only two of them! Only two and all are men. How can they mistreat a woman like me? They don’t know what good conduct and good manner are.

I know that guys are slowly becoming more aggressive this year. Showing only their “gentleman” side to the people they know or just for their girlfriends. Its just stupidity and lack of respect towards a woman which I may say one of the things I really hate.

Then 5 minutes later, I got up and leave my bags on the table as I grab for a water to drink. When I came back, two men were already sitting on my table. I just let them be as I’m not that harsh as the other two “men” who were across the table on us.

The wives of these two men were still buying foods so I took the opportunity to eat as fast as I could. Meanwhile, they were talking about their friend who was a lover of a married woman. I just patiently eat while they talk about a lot of things and although I heard them, I was just constantly and silently enjoying my food. when the other guy that sits beside me ask, “Am I right, Miss?”

I say nothing. Then he proceeds to ask where was my husband.

In my mind, I was totally annoyed so I stared at him in disbelief. Can’t he tell I’m too young to be mistaken as a married woman? And excuse me, Not all people who ate at seven-eleven alone were all married. What the heck he is talking about? I raised one of my eyebrows while he was giving me a pervert look. I told him,

“No. I’m still studying.” with a cold voice and eat once again. He asked me about where and what year and I just reply to a short message. He then proceeds to talk to his companion about not getting married at an early age and told me that I should get a husband.

This angers me more but knowing as an ENFP myself, I just let it pass as I avoid conflict that much and never wanted to hurt people’s feelings.

That’s why I’m letting all my feelings get out on this blog. I’m not married, I’m still 19 and I’m a college student with a bachelor degree. Only a stupid guy will mistake me for a fucking married woman. I dress neatly and I put my hair in a ponytail. Only a guy with arrogant nature can reject me to sit at a table and shout at me in a very extravagant voice. I hate guys here, to be honest.

Maybe its because due to the fact I’m darker than most girls. If I happen to have a fairer skin they might show a little chivalry or the guy sitting next to me wouldn’t give me the account and remark as a married woman.

Most women who marry at an early age were dark-skin due to the fact that they were on the farm and doing hard labor for their family so they will always be exposed as dirty workers who married at a very young age to a very poor man also.

Yeah, most Asian countries were racist, I tell you. That’s why when I get married someday, I don’t wanna get involved with any guy here, let alone marriage. I don’t want to inject glutathione into my skin to become lighter just to lure any guys that I like. Sorry. I concluded that chivalry was already dead for a man who looks down at a darker-skin woman because she just looks dirty.

Women want ‘modern chivalry’ – but find it’s rare | IOL Lifestyle: https://www.iol.co.za/…/women-want-modern-chivalry—but-find-its-rare-10606989

My Worth

I’m sorry if I made a mistake in falling in love with you. I never thought that I’m so stupid to fall into all sorts of traps you held me. I’m too beautiful for your taste, too beautiful to get rejected, and too worthy of chasing you. I’m sorry if I constantly ask you to be mine once again but I’m tired. Now that I open up my eyes to the real world and the real life, I stop chasing you. Maybe you’re the perfect of all the guys I’ve dated but I’m worth more than a million pounds of diamonds. One day you look back and regret the day you left me. One day you will realize how worth it I am and how foolish you are to ever let me go. I never cheated on you. I give you all the free time I had and give you the space you want. All you gave me was heartache. You’re not worth it. You maybe became a part of me and a sweet romantic guy I know but you’re too immature to face the true challenges of a relationship. It may take sometime before you realize how irrational you’re reasons are for breaking up with me. By those times, I’m free.

I’m sorry if I believe in every “I love you’s” that you said. I know that something is wrong with my head. I eat bugs and drink their pee that I’m too intoxicated in everything that you had said. You took advantage of my innocence. Only time will know who will remain as a winner but by those times I make sure you’ll regret it. Damn! I wasted my time on a bastard like you.

You wanted to know what is going on in my head right now? Well, in my head you’re a person I hate to see and the person I want to suffer. I know it’s bad but I want you to know how mess I am inside.  I will run away from you now because tomorrow, somebody will save me from all your memories. Then at that time, you’ll realize you’re mistaken. By now, you can be happy with who you are with. I won’t let our past be the hindrance for me to find the right guy who knows MY WORTH.

It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

For My Ex-Boyfriend

If I only know you would leave me just because my problems were too much to you, I would never say “yes” in the first place. Because a true man who loves me will always love me no matter how many problems that will come my way. If you only love me, You will never ever gave up on me because you know, leaving me can never bring good for my life. You know I’m on the point of drowning but you drown me even more. Now, all your “I love you more” meant nothing to me. Now, all your promises meant nothing to me. For me, you’re just another guy who only wants my physical appearance but not my heart. Just another guy who will leave me just because I’m a depressed woman. Just another guy who came to break my heart. No, I love you. You just don’t feel the same. No, I did my everything and is ready to forget my family just to be with you but you were not just into me. Now I don’t know how to feel anymore cause I’m already dead inside. You made me who I am today. Now please, don’t go back to me. I don’t need someone like you. Find a woman who is a perfect fit for your high standard criteria and ideality and let see if you’ll ever find a perfect woman that can last you longer. Sometimes an ideal woman never meant to stay because they were just “ideal”. When we start to find who they really were, we start falling out of love with them. That’s what happens to us. Now, love a robot because robot never made mistake and its an ideal perfection for you. An ideal relationship that only existed in your mind. An ideal relationship you’ll soon regret.

 

The Dreamer

 

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a beggar on the street

Now with much power and money under his sleeve,

He forgets the humbleness in his self.

 

Now with everything he could buy,

He steps onto the back of poor people and let them die

He was blinded with money and material things.

He stole the only penny left for his expense.

 

He grew selfish and proud

Until one day he went bankrupt,

He roams outside the street begging for food and water,

Because of his rudeness, no one ever care.

 

Now dying, his one last wish as a beggar living in the street

That his body will be buried with a peanut seed underneath,

So when it will grow the people can eat

The fruit of his own greediness.

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a rich man, once a winner

Now an old man dying on the street

And a wish of a single peanut seed

To be planted on his grave.