Category Archives: goodbye letter

Rules for Unrequited Love

 

Rule No.1

  Never beg for their attention,

  You’re only making yourself a fool

  They will feel more disgusted with you

  Avoiding you more and more

 

Rule No.2

  Avoid waiting for their messages

  They will never ever put an effort to read it

  Even if they do, for them, 

  It’s just useless.

 

Rule No.3

   Stop dreaming of them loving you back

   Because no matter what you’ll do

   Unrequited love will always remain unrequited love

 

Rule No.4

   Move on and forget it happened

   It might be hard but it’s worth it in the end

   Learn to walk away on things not meant to be

   God will send the one when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely

 

Rule No.5

   Ask help from God

   No one can ever heal your heart more than him

   Ask for his help according to his plan

   Maybe He’s working his way to meet your man.

 

As I sum it all up, I observe and see

Love is sacrificial as it is to be

You need to love the sound of your feet walking away

On something not meant to be.

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It was all coming back again; the thoughts, the madness, the anxiety, and the stress I’ve been dealing with for these past years. It’s killing me softly. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I wanted to end all of these sufferings with just a click of a gun. I had never been trusted by anyone around me. I was working on my own. Pay the house rent and expenses for school. My family? They all disowned me. My dad never even appreciates all I achieved. All he could see was mistakes and mistakes alone. I worth just a trashcan to them and I don’t deserve this kind of treatment. I deserve to be respected and trusted. They bring me to this world and I never ask them to bring me and just treat me like this.

I had a break up too just ten days ago. This guy just broke up with me because he can’t take the pressure I’m giving into the relationship. Because I had too much problem but I guess it’s not the only reason. Moving on with too much problem is very hard but I am trying my best to do so. I am praying that writing this can help with my depression. I know I’m not the only one having these thoughts. All I could say is fight. We still had ourselves to lean on. People can never understand us. They never would.

 

The Old Memories

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It was another day of fighting my urge to call her…

It’s been six months since she never texted me. I broke up with her because I can’t handle everything that was happening in her life. It felt like a prison to me. I can’t breathe and it choking me on. Despite that, I should have still stayed.

It was the lowest point of her life and yet I just shrug it off. I shouldn’t have left her. Thinking about all those memories we had made me feel homesick. Her embrace was my home, her smile was my strength, and her love was my wealth. For weeks she begged me to take her back but I’m too busy feeding my own ego. I was too angry and too disgusted to see good things that ever happened. Now she doesn’t even talk to me or even sent me messages. She moves on while I’m stuck in the past. I can’t see all her statuses and photos now since she blocked me on Social media just a month ago. I am still secretly wishing she will call me one day and telling how much she misses me. I know I’m stupid for letting her go. I know I’m not worth for her and this was my punishment.

Wherever I looked, I saw her smile, I saw her brown eyes, and I heard her laugh. She always appears in my dreams, in my thoughts, and in every woman that I dated. I try to look for her but I couldn’t find her anywhere. I love her so much and I know losing her was the biggest mistake I ever had. I wanted to return to the day she texted me that her life had been too miserable. We fight because she thought I’m just reading her messages. The truth was I just didn’t know how to respond from that time but if God had given me a chance, I won’t break up with her. I would try to help her in every possible way I could.  If only if I wasn’t a coward.

*Ring, ring, ring, ring*

There’s someone that was calling me…..

I look at the caller I.D and her name exactly pop out on my screen.

“Oh my god! It’s her!”

I know from the moment I saw her name, my heart jumped out of my chest. I had been waiting for this call all my life. Now, she finally called me.

“Hello?” I spoke to another line.

“Jade,”

Her sweet voice is ringing in my ears.

Please, say you miss me and everything would be alright, my princess. I promise I won’t leave you this time. I promise I would stay on your side during your anxiety attacks. I promise I love you until the end. I will do anything for you, just say you want me back. I miss you.

“Yes?” I answered back.

I can hear the excitement in her voice and how she had been through these past six months.

“Can I meet you up at the park? What time are you available?”

” I’m always available.” I found myself saying that without much thinking. I quickly regain my composure by telling her this:

“Ah, no. I’m sorry. I’m available at eleven.” I looked up at the wall clock that was hanging down my ceiling. It’s past nine so it’s a perfect timing. I have two hours to prepare for myself.

“Okay See you there.”

As soon as she hung up the phone, I went straight to bath and shaved all my excesses hair as well as trying to get a good shave with my shoulder-length hair. Then I style it down according to how she likes to style my hair back then. I remember how she softly caressed my hair with her long finger while telling me how good looking I am. This time, I need to be more representable. I need to show to her that I am looking forward to meeting her once more and secretly hoping to be more than her friend.

I arrived before ten, nervously tapping my shoes. How was my look? Do I look handsome today? Does she notice my outfit today? Are we going out on a date? Will she…

Before I could even practice the line of what I wanted to say to her, she already appeared.

Her appearance dramatically change. She’s slimmer than she was before and she colored her hair with blonde. She was now wearing a revealing V neck dress. She looks breath-taking. Then, she sat down next to me and smile.

“How are you these past few months?”

She asked me. I forgot what I need to say next. I forgot everything I had practiced before I even saw her. There’s something with her smile that I had never seen before. It’s shinning and full of energy. I answered to her with a trembling voice.

“I’ve been doing really good. Ho-how about you?”

She smiled once again that enough to stop my world, then she handed me an envelope.

A white envelope with her face smiling wearing a white veil casual dress while holding into a much older man. He was hugging next to her while planting her cheeks with a kiss. My whole world fell and I went into denial and confusion. I re-read once again what was written there but now I regret everything.

 

 

For My Ex-Boyfriend

If I only know you would leave me just because my problems were too much to you, I would never say “yes” in the first place. Because a true man who loves me will always love me no matter how many problems that will come my way. If you only love me, You will never ever gave up on me because you know, leaving me can never bring good for my life. You know I’m on the point of drowning but you drown me even more. Now, all your “I love you more” meant nothing to me. Now, all your promises meant nothing to me. For me, you’re just another guy who only wants my physical appearance but not my heart. Just another guy who will leave me just because I’m a depressed woman. Just another guy who came to break my heart. No, I love you. You just don’t feel the same. No, I did my everything and is ready to forget my family just to be with you but you were not just into me. Now I don’t know how to feel anymore cause I’m already dead inside. You made me who I am today. Now please, don’t go back to me. I don’t need someone like you. Find a woman who is a perfect fit for your high standard criteria and ideality and let see if you’ll ever find a perfect woman that can last you longer. Sometimes an ideal woman never meant to stay because they were just “ideal”. When we start to find who they really were, we start falling out of love with them. That’s what happens to us. Now, love a robot because robot never made mistake and its an ideal perfection for you. An ideal relationship that only existed in your mind. An ideal relationship you’ll soon regret.