“The closest to my heart”

This actually what I used to call this girl I once knew. We had a very complex relationship…but I will try to simplify it the best I can. She was the most amazing girl ever, I loved her and she loved me. Things weren’t always great, we had our flaws. My problem was I wasn’t open enough. I help back on my feelings, I lied sometimes  because I was an idiot. I wasn’t always there when I should have been and I wasn’t as supportive as I should have been. I really loved this girl but she wasn’t perfect either. She was extremely insecure and basically was the cause of her problems. She would get jealous for the smallest things. She always was easily annoyed and triggered a lot of argument, (pointless) but very long arguments. It didn’t help that we were from two very different worlds. She had a rather conservative black and white world and  I lived in a very grey liberal world. We had almost the same core values. We both poetry and the arts. We loved learning and knowledge itself, despite our flaws and differences. We weren’t perfect individual but we were perfect for each other. we were perfect in our imperfections. Despite all of those problems, this wasn’t what separated us. About a month before we parted ways my life took an unexpected turn. I was facing massive financial troubles. I could no longer afford school, I didn’t even know how much longer my family was going to afford the very we were living. We made some very big budgets cuts. I became very busy at work and my physical health was failing. We could no longer afford to talk everyday. I end up leaving all the accounts I had held online. I was very depressed for a while. When i decided to come back to my accounts, the obvious had happen. Everyone had forgotten about me. Anyone I used to talk to online simply wouldn’t reply, even she had left me. I E-mailed her a couple times she never responded. I now have to assume that she moved on to bigger better things than me. I have no one to blame but myself. I wish I could turn back time to the good old days where we could message each other all day. I failed her because I am the one who left.  Now I am all alone…I hope where is happy where ever she might be. 🙂 :/


159 thoughts on ““The closest to my heart”

    • i know she is too busy thee is no time for me 😦 even when i had nothing all i could think of was her 😦 i will stop bothing by making you asking for my silly questions 😦 she has better things to worry about then me 😦

  1. She had a small success lately… She took tests for admission to an extremely good school, and is in the list of the top 40 students who got selected among the 200 that sat for these tests. It is in fact, the best school here. Her old school is also one of the best and very well reputed, where she had studied for about 11 years!!! But she wants to change that school now because she’s not enjoying it

    • i am proud of her…always will be. but as always, school is always more important than me…always. i am not saying school doesn’t matter because of course it does but i am not asl important…will never be. i wonder what else is more important than me to her?

    • don’t even ask her…everything has more priority then me…i do remember the days where that wasn’t true. i know it’s a hard fact to belie she truly has moved on, and maybe i should as well. well your friend goodbye. i hope you two remain best friend forever…because only a best friend has that kind of patience to pass along so many messages. i hope you are happy as well stranger…hope you find someone who truly loves you and put you above everything, not just say it but actually proves it. because i did that,i put your friend above my religion, above my sisters and friends warning, even above school at times, but it doesn’t matter now. tell your friend that i am not like her…i won’t leave her. but when she comes back in june don’t expect anything out of me. tell her from now on well will only be friends, not lover, not “closest to my heart” none of it. just another friend. we aren’t special, she is now just this other person i used to talk to from ap. i wish he luck in her love quest.

  2. Yes, that’s bacuause your love for her had been fake! Big changes can only be easily brought when love had never been true!! If you truly love someone, it never really goes away. And hence, you never truly loved her, but she did love you. And you’re the one who left her, and never had any named religion. I’ll
    tell my friend about it, before she comes
    back in June. You’ll get what you want. She will be shocked, but will let you go if you want to let go. :/

    • your friend is the funierst person ever, she is always talking a big talk about love but does nothinggggggg to prove it! that’s all she is…all words. school is still above me, familly is above, friends are still above me everything she hasssssss is above me. i can’t even think of one think i am above really. i am the last thing she takes into consideration. i am always the one who has to bare all in the name of love. i am the last in everything, she has never chose me above everything and she dares, has the guts to criticize me in the name of love!! a love only strong in words but never in anything else. i am tried of her being fake. ask her who she chose when it was between marrying me or her paretns disaproval? she chose her parents, she chose everything insted of me and think she has any right to talk about a love she has done nothing to keep alive. she is fake and has no right to call me fake…i hope she is a more of real friend she is to you then she was to me. i am just done with her lies. she has no right to talk about people fake or love because she doesn’t know what both words mean!!!!

  3. Wow so many problems!!! Well my friend said that you’re not important to her. Would she ever send me to you if she didn’t care? Would she ever missed you so much despite all the arguments you both had? And most importantly, she NEVER left you and moved on with another guy!!! Well, fine then. You’ll get what you want from her. Have a nice day gentleman! 🙂

    • She sent you because she doesnt have time for me herself.i am not worth her time. I am not worth her time but clearly you are. Shw never left me? I am back now but where is she? She is somewhere else doing more important things then to talk to me. And you say she miss me but that is just just wordssss. That means nothing because she cant prove it. And she never moved on with another guy because she stuburn. She think not moving on is the only way to prove love and that isnt true. Besides she hassss no time for another guy and that has nothing to do with me. She has no tine for any guy because of school…not me. So please stop pretending she does me any favors for simply telling someone messages i do that all the time to friends i dont have time for. She has proved nothing!!!

    • She? Always leaving when things get tough. Is she love me so much then why cant she stay? She wont because she doesnt. It funny shebis sick and tired of it when is the one to call my love fake all the time. But when i say the exact sane thing i am the hurtful one. She is so conceited and self absorbed that she doesnt think one second maybe … Just maybe she isnt the only one who hates bieng called fake. Yet she calls the that all the time never apologize for it. When she calls me fake it is fine but ifbi do the same it hurtful. This what i am talking about. She is way too self center to know what fake hypocrisy or love means. I am tired of her fake love as well. She has no prooff to show that she loves ne so she has to result to anger because she simply cant prove her point. Because she has no point to prove. She is fake

    • i am not replying quick at all as i am replying i hour late now i am upset about that. unlike your friend i doesn’t matter what i am doing when i comes to her i leave what i am doing and reply to her because she is more important. she wouldn’t undertand that since she has never dne such a thing for me everything comes before me 😦 i am nothing whenever she has to decide whether to chose or anything else she always chose the other thing never me. i do the opposite of that, i have always chose her and that is why i reply fast to her. now answer my question.

    • If they are so baseless why cant she prove me wrong? She cant do it because i am right she school school familly religion over me. I have many examples where i have ask something and she always rejects my demands because it would disturb the things she clearly loves more than me. Does she want me to show her examples? I remeber them all. If i bring up examples will she stop calling my criticizing baseless? Tell me hpwnto prove it and i will. She in the other hand will never be able to bring proff because she has none

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