Monthly Archives: March 2015

Just for thoughts

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Internal Exile

I can hear voices and I see other people,

But I just can’t seem to connect with them,
There is a veiled shadow that clings to me,
And it seems to render me all but invisible,

And when I dare to make myself known,
I stumble and stagger to carry conversation,
Constantly making mistakes and blunders,
I see gestures but nothing makes any sense,
Frustration and Anger are so identical to me,
I cannot and dare not try to tell them apart,

The sharp, icy dread of making eye contact
stabs into me with reckless abandonment,
Mind overwhelmed by such social nuances,
Thoughts jumbling themselves into a mess,
People become unnerved by my presence,
Try as I might, I can’t make a connection,

And then a dark, infernal voice bubbles up,
A voice I’ve known so well for so long now,
“Run away now, you just don’t belong here,
There’s no place in society for your Autism,
Go back into the cold shadows of the void,”

I open my mouth in desperate protest but
no words will dare to come to my defense,
Instead, Guilt and Shame pour past my lips,
Acridly burning as they force their way down,
Following by the freezing grip of isolation as
it pulls me, dragging me back into the abyss,

Watery shadows rushing in a great deluge,
Closing in on me and submerging my mind,
With my last gasp, I curse a world gone cold,
Fighting the exhaustion of futile frustration,

The urge to let the shadows drown me away,
I fight to resist the siren call of eternal silence.

By: Hegemony read more @ http://allpoetry.com/Hegemony

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Stepping Stones

I reached out in search of role models some time ago
Nice and successful people whom I could look up to,
Against them, I would measure my capacity to grow,
Bettering myself with persistent work, each day anew,

I wanted to one day be just as successful as they were,
So I labored and I toiled, trying and then trying again,
Such that the day I outpaced them passed by in a blur,
So focused on the task was I that I never noticed when,

As I surpassed my goal, a new one simply took its place,
A seamless string of stepping stones passing under me,
Not ’til I looked back did I find the footprints of each space
that I made, my epic journey laid out right there to see,

And as I follow the footsteps of those who came before,
Now others follow the paces that I myself left behind,
Stepping stones leading on to improvement ever more,
So gradual that one may barely notice what they find.

By: Hegemony read more @ http://allpoetry.com/Hegemony

Emptiness

Emotions that can transform in an instant,
Mind trapped within a whirlwind of chaos,
Pain covering me and smothering my heart,
Taunted by how other people see my Autism,
Invisible glass trapping me inside my mind,
Nothingness pouring in to fill this glass box,
Everyone seems able to function, except me,
Sweet sorrow sang in the guise of a lullaby,
Slumber dissolving me away unto oblivion.

By: Hegemony read more @ http://allpoetry.com/Hegemony

Las Rosas del Holler~

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The Holler is rural and rustic, so when I first moved here, almost seven years ago now, I first planted roses.
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It was an act of faith. Roses are civil, and I wasn’t sure this place was.
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Somehow I knew from the very beginning to encase their roots in chicken wire to repel the gophers who turned out to be legion.
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This first day of spring, The Holler roses are in wild, exuberant bloom!
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At night I hoot in communion with the owls, in the morning I wake up to be greeted by the hawks.
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This is the most civil place I have ever lived.
Cheers to you and Happy Spring from The Holler’s Bloominng roses~

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