“Wa, wa, wa, wa”

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There’s a story happen a long time ago. I was visiting my family in Florida and my parents were not at home. They all gone to attend the wedding party of my older cousin in Chicago so I decided to stay in the cabin next to our home since I couldn’t open the house. The cabin was old and seems been there for such a long time. I checked it out further and find some broken glasses and bricks all over it. Though it creeped me out a little bit, I didn’t have much choice so I decided to stay. I open up the door and a cracking rusty sound made its way through me. I rush inside only to find a perfectly fine empty living room, a small bed, and a cabinet. I didn’t have much time to think and since I was pretty tired from the trip. I immediately inflate my camping sofa bed and put in into the small bed. Soon after, I was snoring and fast asleep.

I had a weird dream though. A woman with a curly hair was standing just on the side of me. I can’t see her face because I can’t move my head either. She is coming closer and closer to my face. It freaks me out that when I decided to open my eyes, I could only see blur images of the cabin. I didn’t even understand how was that possible when I remember it was all dark. Then I felt my body froze and my skin tingles. I felt a cold air touching the left of my hand and it touches my neck until it landed my head. It lasts for about five minutes and it stops. I was beyond terrified when I suddenly heard a knocking sound coming from the outside.

I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak. I was like in the midst of sleep paralysis. I tried to pray but words wouldn’t come out and I lost. I know I need to fight. If I don’t, I might meet my end and wouldn’t wake up tomorrow again.

I tried to move the tips of my finger many times until I succeeded. I blink many times to see a clear image of the cabin. It was still dark yet I couldn’t explain why I can see a silhouette standing outside the window and then I heard the knocking once more. I tried to convince myself it was just my imagination or it was just a bird but the knocking turns suddenly into banging.  I gathered up my courage to speak and the first ever word that came into my mouth was, “Who’s knocking?!”

The knocking stops and as soon as I said those words, I heard a screeching noise. I turn around and see. It wasn’t on the door nor the window and not even on the rooftop. The noise came from the cabinet. It was shaking and as soon as it burst open, two red eyes stared back at me dragging me with all the strength while murmuring a deep voiced “Wa wa wa wa” repeatedly. The next thing I knew was that I had bite marks all over my body and paramedics were around. They said that they found me lying motionless outside the cabin. I knew better than them. I knew there’s something wrong within the cabin and even if I did tell them, they won’t still believe me.

I couldn’t explain the phenomenon that happen to me twelve years ago. One thing for sure I would never forget is the sound she makes while pulling me. It was the  most disturbing out of all that incident. I tried to forget about that and even moved on with my life. I was already married with a loving husband and has an 36 month old daughter, Kelly. She never talks to anybody except me and even the doctors find her attitude rather weird and disturbing but my husband and I just shake it off.

One day, my husband was out and I was preparing food for us and for our daughter when I suddenly heard a knock on the door of the kitchen. When I open it up I see the back of my little daughter. The lights started to flick and her head turn 180 degrees as I heard her say,

” Wa wa wa wa”

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Another Rose is Blooming

“Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure; this time, it was no mistake, and this time she wins.  Alas! She found him.” – Tara Nicole

 

It’s been a while since Tara dated any man. For almost four years, she occupied herself with work and responsibilities. She does it not because she wants promotion but because of one simple reason. Forget her ex-fiancée, Josh. Only at this time, she will worry less because she has now Jason with her side, the guy who saves her before she drowns herself in the depths of suicide.

 

She is now happy whenever she’s with him. Neither one of them admits their feelings but she secretly hoping they will end up together. Today, Jason invited her to a barbecue party in their townhouse. She was walking across a group of women that is talking about the new hot guy who is tending the barbecue. The three girls are debating who will approach first and the redhead girl wins.

 

Tara is intrigued so she decided to follow. She is surprised to see that it was Jason whom they are talking about. The red hair girl approaches with seductive eyes asking how old he is and while the other girls are directly flirting with him.

 

She felt a pang of jealousy injected through her veins and she blushes suddenly not because of butterflies she felt whenever she saw him but because of her insecurity. The girls possess the body of a model and all of them are beautiful. Besides, there’s nothing special about her and Jason, except for the few kisses they shared in the past.

 

She distracted herself before she even started remembering what happened to them last night. She approaches, Jason instead while he’s still tending the barbeque and the three girls are still there. He seems so pleased to see her that he drops the rest of the oil to the ground. Tara laughs sarcastically.

 

“Hey?” he said while putting his left hand into motion.

“I thought you couldn’t come because of Cecile.”

 

“Cecile is in good condition now. She just needs to take some rest and lots of vitamins. She will be discharged next week,” she said.

 

“Good to know that. We can spend time with each other again.”

He leans closer to whisper in her ears.

 

She immediately feels the magnet traveling through her back. Like a positive and negative meet at the end and starts a spark. She looks at him and he looks at her. Revealing all the words they wanted to say. Jason touches her cheek. She feels his hand, so warm and cozy. His hand travels through her neck, on her shoulders, her arms, and her waist, then holds her tightly and bring her to a cottage away from the people’s spying eyes.

 

She confesses to him that she’s kind of nervous about their situation. Jason’s brother was here and he might know that the two of them are dating. Even if Jason doesn’t confess, she knows he feels the same. If his brother will know, he might kick her out of the company.

 

“What are we going to do if your brother will find it out?”

 

He squeezes her hands to assure her that she doesn’t have to worry about anything. He went closer to her and brushes off the tip of his nose against hers.

 

“I already know what I need to do.”

 

She smells his intoxicating breath. It smells like a vanilla and strawberry. She heard his heartbeat too. Pumping against her bare chest.

 

*Thug-thug-thug-thug*

 

No, it wasn’t his heartbeat. It was hers.

 

“Let’s go inside.”

Jason speaks in a husky masculine voice.

 

“Wha-what are we going to do?”

 

“I just want you to relax. You’re pretty tense.”

 

He looks, even more, deeper into her eyes and he reads her like an open book. There is nothing so vulnerable than to have someone who can turn you like a crazy person in just one second. She sees the world stop right in front of her and the only thing that is ticking is her heart. He might not be the first man to own it but he will be her last.

 

He leads her into the cottage and pushes her body into the bed. He then lowers his head and kisses her while touching every inch of her body and moaning her name.

 

“Tara, Tara….”

 

Slowly, he traces his hand behind her back while sending chills through her spine. She knows that this isn’t the right time but she can’t help herself. Jason pulls her far deeper, enhancing every sense of her being. He plays his tongue inside her mouth that leaves her feeling dizzy. Her body becomes weak and she feels so vulnerable to him. Like a candle melting from the flame above its head. Every kiss pulls her deeper from his intensity, every move takes her away from her own solitude, and every breath he makes tells her how deeply he adores her. This time, she was sure, this time, it was no mistake, and this time, she wins.  Alas! She found him. The one that is right for her.

 

He takes off her clothes while slowly going down her neck, touching her thighs. He knows his way around her because she’s already screaming with ecstasy. His hard chest is against her and he’s pushing her deeper into the bed. She feels he’s torso against her and the igniting passion inside them. She wants him so bad that even words can’t explain. She knows that after this, she will confess. She will confess how much she loves him because if she doesn’t, she might regret it forever.

For My Ex-Boyfriend

If I only know you would leave me just because my problems were too much to you, I would never say “yes” in the first place. Because a true man who loves me will always love me no matter how many problems that will come my way. If you only love me, You will never ever gave up on me because you know, leaving me can never bring good for my life. You know I’m on the point of drowning but you drown me even more. Now, all your “I love you more” meant nothing to me. Now, all your promises meant nothing to me. For me, you’re just another guy who only wants my physical appearance but not my heart. Just another guy who will leave me just because I’m a depressed woman. Just another guy who came to break my heart. No, I love you. You just don’t feel the same. No, I did my everything and is ready to forget my family just to be with you were not just into me. Now I don’t know how to feel anymore cause I’m already dead inside. You made me who I am today. Now please, don’t go back to me. I don’t need someone like you. Find a woman who is a perfect fit for your high standard criteria and ideality and let see if you’ll ever find a perfect woman that can last you longer. Sometimes an ideal woman never meant to stay because they were just “ideal”. When we start to find who they really were, we start falling out of love with them. That’s what happens to us. Now, love a robot because robot never made mistake and its an ideal perfection for you. An ideal relationship that only existed in your mind. An ideal relationship soon you’ll regret.

 

Signs He loves You

  1. He accept all your flaws and imperfections.
  2. Support you in everything. Either problems or just your decision-making, he’s there reminding you that you have his back.
  3. There’s no thing as “too busy”. He will always make time for you whenever he can.
  4. He never lies about who’s with him and where he is.
  5. He’ll tell you when everything is too much. Like your actions are not good anymore for the benefits of the two of you.
  6. He will never cheat. Never. Because every time he was tempted, he thinks of you first before his own ego.
  7. He accepts whatever color and sizes you are. For his eyes, you will always be beautiful and he will always love you.
  8. In terms of big problems, he stays strong for you and showed you that no matter what happen, there will always another way around.
  9. He’ll always stay gentleman like the first day. He wont take advantage on you.
  10.  He always has patience no matter how longer you takes to dress or no matter how immature you are, he’s always has patience for you.
  11. He forgives you no matter how big it is.
  12.  Lastly, you just know it.

Always trust your instinct. If he haven’t done anything suspicious then it’s not worth arguing for. In these days, finding a man who will stay for you even against all the odds is very rare. So please took care of your man and just don’t look at the physical beauty. It doesn’t matter how handsome he was. What matter most is his HEART. ❤

Love

 

 

Love is like driving down the hill

In the darkest of the night with flat tires,

No single light and in the middle of nowhere

No houses to be seen and breaks not working

It will never be a smooth ride,

So many bumps, turns and curves.

It will hurt you a lot.

You will even bruise your head when you hit the wall

But you rather take that ride than not at all.

More than just a Stone

 

 

You’re sad because he dump you?

Be glad that he does,

You’re worth is more than the man who friend zoned you,

Show to him that he lost a sapphire like you.

One day you will find that one last guy for you.

Treated you like a precious jade and love you so true

Then you’ll realized all along you’re just crying for a stone

And not from a diamond you were truly belong.

The Dreamer

 

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a beggar on the street

Now with much power and money under his sleeve,

He forgets the humbleness in his self.

 

Now with everything he could buy,

He steps onto the back of poor people and let them die

He was blinded with money and material things.

He stole the only penny left for his expense.

 

He grew selfish and proud

Until one day he went bankrupt,

He roams outside the street begging for food and water,

Because of his rudeness, no one ever care.

 

Now dying, his one last wish as a beggar living in the street

That his body will be buried with a peanut seed underneath,

So when it will grow the people can eat

The fruit of his own greediness.

 

Once a dreamer, once a loser

Once a rich man, once a winner

Now an old man dying on the street

And a wish of a single peanut seed

To be planted on his grave.

The Ballad of the Two Hearts

Once, there was a child born in the midst of spring,

She was very pretty that the goddess of beauty envies her

She put a curse one night while the baby was sleeping,

The curse that will make her ugly, dark and thin

 

She grew up been bullied by everyone in her town,

Nobody ever plan to befriended her

She’s always been a loner all her life since her mother died,

All she could feel was pain and injustice inside.

 

One day while she was sitting outside the oak tree,

Her bullies come and bit her till she can’t walk and see

A man rescued her who happened to be

The blind ninja whom she always watched in a distance by the tree,

 

He let her entered the cottage from where he stay,

He gave her herbs to heal all her wounds and so she’ll be

Fine so soon so they can know each other more

Lived together away from those people

 

Soon her lonely heart was filled with gleeful joy,

Because at the end someone choose to be with her at all

With the handsome ninja whom she always adore

The promise he made to protect her forevermore,

 

But the goddess of Beauty was not happy to witness this

She called all her pigeons to find that special herb

That can help the blind ninja to see

How beautiful he thinks his wife could be.

 

Soon the ninja’s eyes filled with light,

Little by little he gain his sight

Witnessing this, the girl run out to flee

She’s afraid he will judge her the same way.

 

She cried out loud because of despair,

While the ninja run out looking for her,

Soon she stop by the bank of the river

The exact time the ninja stop to get some water

 

Their eyes met and their two hearts sing a ballad only two of them knew

The ninja ask, “My lady, I think I know you.”

She stared at him never know what to say,

As he realise she is his wife who run away.

 

The ninja come to hug her as her eyes filled with tears,

He whispered a word that every heart will melt,

“I’m afraid I lost you. Please don’t leave me again.

I don’t care whoever you are, I still love you the same,”

 

Then he kissed her sweet little lips as the forest start to sing

A glorious love song until the end

The two people who love each other in pure harmony and joy

That even goddess can’t destroy.

Beauty is a Fallacy

 

Wherever I go or whatever kind of place I am,

I always see a billboard with a woman

A white skin, a straight hair, a long nose, a small face

The ideal beauty that every woman wish.

 

My friends always say my rich chocolate skin is ugly

I would be much prettier without it.

They said my curly hair looks like a broom without a handle

My height is “too small” for an old teenager.

 

All these years I just swallow everything,

As I’m inferior than most of women I’ve seen.

In my class I was the only one with much darker skin,

That’s why “nigger” is my name.

 

All these years I just learn to love,

My height, my skin, my imperfections and doubts

I don’t blame God for making me this

I just hate the standard beauty I need to achieve.

 

I’d never seen a much darker Filipina in any advertisement

I’d never seen a woman with my color been praised

I’d never experience someone told me “You’re skin is very pretty”

All I can hear is “what ifs” from people with narrow heads in terms of real beauty.

 

Beauty isn’t about my skin color or my height or my hair

Beauty is about uniqueness and being fair

Beauty isn’t about fashion and beauty trends

Beauty is the ability to appreciate someone for whom they’ve been.

 

I tell them that beauty isn’t always what you can see.

It’s an illusion and a fallacy,

It’s a kind of perception with different meaning,

No standard beauty is alike as we’re peculiar being.

 

Yet people put label on things,

If you’re dark, you’re ugly; if you’re white, you’re pretty

When in fact beauty is just temporary,

What beneath that flawless skin wasn’t a doll,

What remains that pretty face was a skull.

 

Yes, they might be gorgeous with their skin, their hair, their height

But how about the inside of their heart?

Is it white and flawless as they’ve been?

Or darker than the darkest of a human skin?

 

It’s like telling God how ugly and unpleasant everything He creates.

As if there still a beauty left after death.

As if God will asked how beautiful you are on Earth,

As if He cared more about your face and not your deeds.

 

In the Eyes of a “Suicidal”

People often misunderstood why depressed people took suicide. It wasn’t because we were weak and pathetic human beings. Suicidal people were more than just that. We were hero of our own suffering. In our lives, we were the giver, the most misunderstood and the  most mistreated. You don’t know about our story. You just know, that people like us, kill ourselves because we give up on what life could gave to us, or because we were plainly stupid. You didn’t even know what we were going through. Even the cuts in our hands weren’t enough to tell you how we really feel. Everyone has a story to tell and it doesn’t mean that someone was depressed, they were already weak. The truth was we tried. There were always a point in our lives when we regret what we were doing and there were points in our lives when we told ourselves, “We can do it.” But because of some “inconsiderate” and “judgmental” human beings that instead lift us, put as even more into the depths of depression, and because of how the events was turning, we decided to push it through.

Depression wasn’t just because of stress, problems and anxiety. It also covers the emotional and mental state of the person. There were deeper reasons why we kill ourselves and one of those was you. If you wanted us to stop it, then give us a helping hand, support us and understand. We were just an imperfect human being like you. Fighting depression when everyone was contributing nothing was pretty hard. I can compare it to a cancer that once spread in the body, doctors have had harder time to cure it.

That’s how we see suicide. I repeat, we were not pathetic, nor stupid, nor weak. WE were just people with incurable disease. Please stop judging because it wasn’t your life to begin with. Who knows? Maybe at some point in your life you will feel the same? Who knows maybe you’ll understand how we really feel inside and who we really want to be.

Suicidal people weren’t crazy. We were mostly the people who were happy and easy to please with but at the same time, has the biggest regret. We regret how things turn into us and why we can never control it? Why every time the problem was solved, there were even more bigger problems to come. We don’t need your opinions and advises. WE need your ears to listen and eyes to open how “suicidal” people like me cope with idealistic standard of the society.

A Call beyond the Grave

It was happen to me eight months ago. My friend in the neighborhood asked me my number so that she could call me anytime. We’ve texted for few days talking about some funny things until  she started to ask me who I was. I ignored her first text , thinking it was just a prank. The next night, she texted me again asking what’s my name, and because I don’t have time for games, I just ignore it. At exactly eleven that night she called.

“Hello,” I said.

I was surprised when it was not my friend who spoke but a man. He immediately say,

“Hello, who are you?”

Because I started to panic, I just told him that I am the friend of Nisa and I didn’t knew she gave me the wrong number.

He asked where I am and I told him the address of our neighborhood. I asked him if he was Nisa’s cousin but instead of answering me he just say that he was leaving on Luna Street. After I apologize, he hung up the phone.

The next morning, I asked my friend about it. She said that her phone was dead for three days already and she didn’t know what I am talking about. I told her about the guy whom I thought was her cousin but she said that nobody ever touch her phone on the cabinet and there’s no way that a guy will touch it because there were no man in their family. I was shocked entirely but still skeptical. I showed her the caller I.D and her number and she responded if she can charge her phone in my room so I will know how dead her phone was. After that, she showed me all her phone book. No outgoing and inbound call. I’d never understand how was that possible. I try to call her number and it did ring. I scratch my head out of confusion.

Then, she suddenly froze and looked at me. She was trembling when she said this:

“If it’s not me, then it might be papa.”

 

Well, sadly, he died three months prior through a brutal accident.